I just finished reading the book Same Kind of Different as Me. Literally, I just finished it. It is an awesome book. Go buy it and read it tomorrow. It is the true story of an international art dealer and a homeless man and the life changing way God brings them together. Unbelievable. You will laugh, cry, and question.
It is just one more reminder that life is about relationships. If you want to make a difference in this world, enter into an authentic relationship with another mere mortal and love him the same way God loves you. And if you are really daring, try loving someone you think is unlovable.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The Great Fear
Last year was a difficult one for me professionally as it seemed the focus of my job went from counseling to “other duties as assigned”, the primary other duty being state testing. I don’t love the stress of testing, but I have to admit that the organization of it appeals to my controlling side that loves to create order out of chaos. It is a beautiful thing to see it all come together after so many weeks of frantic planning and frenzied sorting, bubbling, and training.
By February I was in full testing mode and very little counseling was happening. To make matters worse, this was the year that the other counselor’s status had changed from full time to a split position between my school and another. In years past, I knew that if I wasn’t seeing kids during testing season, someone else was. Not this time.
So, frustrated and disheartened, I began to actively look for another job because “I wasn’t getting to be a counselor anymore.”
With each application I prayed that if it was the right job for me, I would get an offer, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t. This was the fleece I was putting out to verify what God wanted from me. Four separate opportunities came and went. And though I was disappointed, I became convinced that God already had me right where He wanted me. So I started this year feeling pretty ambivalent; I wanted to be where God wanted me, but I was pretty sure He had made a mistake.
In the meantime, I was invited to join a small book club who met Wednesday mornings at 7 a.m. I readily agreed and was super excited about the new book they were starting, The Shack, by William P. Young. I’d been hearing about this book and planned to read it anyway, so I jumped right in.
Usually, I read a book in 2 to 3 days. This one is way too meaty for rushing. When my little brother was much younger, he had many dietary problems. But one of the things that I found particularly strange was the way he would keep a piece of meat in his mouth for literally hours. He’d just keep chewing and chewing without swallowing.
The first section of The Shack was like this for me. Young sets up the book by telling about a very tragic event in Mack’s (the main character’s) life that leads to The Great Sadness. I kept chewing and chewing on the words he used to describe it: overanxious, panicky, paralyzed, overwhelmed, angry, swept helplessly away.
I can so relate to Mack. Young writes, “Almost succumbing to the sudden blackness that threatened to smother him, Mack leaned on the table to keep from passing out or throwing up.” There were days last year when that was how I felt.
And over several weeks, I continued to chew on those words that so resonated with me. They puzzled me though because they made sense when my experience wasn’t at all like Mack’s. Unlike Mack, I wasn’t feeling particularly sad. So I kept chewing until one day I figured out what it was I was tasting in those words.
It was kind of like the close up, CSI view of the tumblers on a fancy lock all falling into place and then CLICK, that distinctive sound of everything coming together. I realized that what I had tasted in those words was not sadness but fear.
I am very much afraid of being a counselor! Counseling is very scary work. When a 10 year old walks in and tells you about how she has been sexually abused for years and she’s never told anyone before…it’s terrifying.
Or perhaps the one who comes crying with a broken heart because on some crazy whim his father is no longer allowing his son to call him “dad”. How am I supposed to fix that?
Or what about when you’ve done the hard stuff, made the reports, and now you have to go to court and be cross examined by four different lawyers with four separate agendas that don't seem to take into account several very lost and afraid children? It gives me the shivers just remembering it.
And cutting, this new (to me) phenomena where people feel compelled to inflict physical pain on themselves because they are so desperate to feel something, even if it is pain. I can't even begin to relate to that. Scary.
Somewhere along the way, The Great Fear descended on me and I became paralyzed at the thought of what might walk in my office next.
So testing, and all the craziness that comes with it, had become my escape. My problem wasn’t that I wanted to do more counseling; I wanted to do less! And when I thought back on all those job opportunities, I realized they all had one thing in common: less counseling. Less delving into the sticky, yucky, scary mess of relationships.
But God, in His infinite wisdom has not let me off the hook. He didn’t let me run away because He has me right where He wants me. Only, He wants me to face The Great Fear and get back to doing the job He has already given me—counseling.
I’ve begun to do just that, but not alone. It was during the first week that kids came back to school that my enlightenment happened, and I began praying daily for God to give me the courage to walk in to The Great Fear in order to fulfill my mission as His disciple. And what exciting times the first six weeks have been!
By February I was in full testing mode and very little counseling was happening. To make matters worse, this was the year that the other counselor’s status had changed from full time to a split position between my school and another. In years past, I knew that if I wasn’t seeing kids during testing season, someone else was. Not this time.
So, frustrated and disheartened, I began to actively look for another job because “I wasn’t getting to be a counselor anymore.”
With each application I prayed that if it was the right job for me, I would get an offer, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t. This was the fleece I was putting out to verify what God wanted from me. Four separate opportunities came and went. And though I was disappointed, I became convinced that God already had me right where He wanted me. So I started this year feeling pretty ambivalent; I wanted to be where God wanted me, but I was pretty sure He had made a mistake.
In the meantime, I was invited to join a small book club who met Wednesday mornings at 7 a.m. I readily agreed and was super excited about the new book they were starting, The Shack, by William P. Young. I’d been hearing about this book and planned to read it anyway, so I jumped right in.
Usually, I read a book in 2 to 3 days. This one is way too meaty for rushing. When my little brother was much younger, he had many dietary problems. But one of the things that I found particularly strange was the way he would keep a piece of meat in his mouth for literally hours. He’d just keep chewing and chewing without swallowing.
The first section of The Shack was like this for me. Young sets up the book by telling about a very tragic event in Mack’s (the main character’s) life that leads to The Great Sadness. I kept chewing and chewing on the words he used to describe it: overanxious, panicky, paralyzed, overwhelmed, angry, swept helplessly away.
I can so relate to Mack. Young writes, “Almost succumbing to the sudden blackness that threatened to smother him, Mack leaned on the table to keep from passing out or throwing up.” There were days last year when that was how I felt.
And over several weeks, I continued to chew on those words that so resonated with me. They puzzled me though because they made sense when my experience wasn’t at all like Mack’s. Unlike Mack, I wasn’t feeling particularly sad. So I kept chewing until one day I figured out what it was I was tasting in those words.
It was kind of like the close up, CSI view of the tumblers on a fancy lock all falling into place and then CLICK, that distinctive sound of everything coming together. I realized that what I had tasted in those words was not sadness but fear.
I am very much afraid of being a counselor! Counseling is very scary work. When a 10 year old walks in and tells you about how she has been sexually abused for years and she’s never told anyone before…it’s terrifying.
Or perhaps the one who comes crying with a broken heart because on some crazy whim his father is no longer allowing his son to call him “dad”. How am I supposed to fix that?
Or what about when you’ve done the hard stuff, made the reports, and now you have to go to court and be cross examined by four different lawyers with four separate agendas that don't seem to take into account several very lost and afraid children? It gives me the shivers just remembering it.
And cutting, this new (to me) phenomena where people feel compelled to inflict physical pain on themselves because they are so desperate to feel something, even if it is pain. I can't even begin to relate to that. Scary.
Somewhere along the way, The Great Fear descended on me and I became paralyzed at the thought of what might walk in my office next.
So testing, and all the craziness that comes with it, had become my escape. My problem wasn’t that I wanted to do more counseling; I wanted to do less! And when I thought back on all those job opportunities, I realized they all had one thing in common: less counseling. Less delving into the sticky, yucky, scary mess of relationships.
But God, in His infinite wisdom has not let me off the hook. He didn’t let me run away because He has me right where He wants me. Only, He wants me to face The Great Fear and get back to doing the job He has already given me—counseling.
I’ve begun to do just that, but not alone. It was during the first week that kids came back to school that my enlightenment happened, and I began praying daily for God to give me the courage to walk in to The Great Fear in order to fulfill my mission as His disciple. And what exciting times the first six weeks have been!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
It's Not About The House
This is really long, but it's a story I've been wanting to tell for a couple of months now.
Since we have been attending at Southwest, one of the really important lessons that has taken hold in my heart is that Christianity, evangelism, etc. is about relationships. It’s about getting connected to people, in all their goodness and muck, and being Christ to them. One of the ways that this concept has been put into practice is through a group of men that gets together with our preacher in his basement. The “basement boys” are all about confessing sin and victory, holding each other accountable, and just being in relationship with each other for the purpose of becoming more like Christ. The more I heard about this group, the more I wanted to be in a group like it. So, starting in about January, I really began to mull over the idea of beginning a group like the “basement boys”.
Around the end of May, my husband came across a house that we thought was pretty amazing. We had been discussing the idea of moving for a couple of years, but weren’t in any great hurry. In our discussions, we had come up with a pretty specific list of things we wanted in a house, one that I thought was probably pretty lofty for a good long time. But then we happened along this house on Gary St.
Of course, this brought our discussions about selling our house and buying another one right to the forefront of our minds. When we got home from our ranch trips, I decided to find a realtor and just see if this house was as great as we thought it was or if there were others out there. At the time, it seemed like it fit all of the things we wanted and so I wondered if it was truly unique.
I discovered pretty quickly that the Gary house was NOT unique. There were actually quite a few houses out there that came pretty close to fitting most of the things that we wanted. After about a week of looking at what felt like a million houses, I found one that seemed like the perfect fit for our wish list. It had room for both of us to have an office, plus a guest room, and it had a fantastic shop. But what I really loved about it was the living space. It had a large living room that was open to the dining room and also open to a den that was added on to the original house. When I stood in the kitchen and looked out into those rooms, I began to envision life group, scrapbooking, and maybe even a space for my own version of the “basement boys”. The flicker of longing to begin a group was being fanned into a small but steady flame.
On one of those house searching days, I stopped by N’s office just to chat and got a phone call from our realtor while I was there. The price on the house I liked had been reduced by ten thousand dollars and she wondered if I wanted to show it to N. Of course I did, so we made an appointment to meet there. My second visit to the house was even better than the first. All I could think about was how great of a house it would be for entertaining and how perfect for starting “the group”. N loved the house too; the flame grew.
Unfortunately, we were not in a place to make an offer on this wonderful house. Our house wasn’t even on the market, and we sure couldn’t have two houses. So, after much discussion, we decided to get ours ready, put it on the market, and then make an offer.
In the mean time, we went back to our dream house for one more look. This time, when I walked in the house, I immediately told God that if He gave us this house or one like it, I would give it back to Him. I told Him I’d have ladies in, get in relationship, and really allow Him to work through those relationships to transform me.
We spent about ten days packing up all the excess in our current house and moving it out to storage. Then I cleaned, repaired, painted, and staged our house so that it was show ready. Our realtor was thrilled because we were willing to do most anything she suggested. Our thinking was that we wanted to do everything we could to get it sold, and if that meant living in Whoville for a while, we were willing.
From the first day it listed, we had lots of lookers. And I began to imagine what it would be like to have the house we wanted. In under a week, God sent a buyer, and we had a full price contract on our house to close in just weeks. We turned around and negotiated a contract on the dream house the next day. And though I was very excited, I couldn’t help but remember the promise I’d made to God and be just a little nervous about what I’d done.
But that didn’t stop me from beginning to actually imagine how each room would be used and arranged and salivating over the storage prospects.
And then our contract fell through; she backed out. And we were so disappointed. I asked God why? Didn’t He want me to do what I’d promised?
And this was His answer, “It’s not about the house”.
And I knew immediately that He was right. I didn’t need a new house to begin delving into life changing relationships. And though I hated to do it, I thanked Him for sending the perfect contract and then allowing it to fall through. Because before that I was so focused on the house that I had missed what He really wanted for me.
The following week I began meeting with a friend for the purpose of becoming a “basement boys” type of group. And we met in our old house. And the things that God revealed to both of us in just that first meeting were some of the most powerful lessons of God I’ve ever learned.
It really wasn’t about the house.
But that didn’t stop me from praying that God would send us a cash offer for our house that would allow us to still close on our old house on the originally scheduled date and close on the dream house the very next day.
And He did.
In just one day shy of four weeks, we got our house ready to sell, listed it, sold it, bought a new one, and moved.
Actually, what really happened is this…in one day shy of four weeks, God taught me an incredibly important lesson, blessed us beyond what we ever deserved, showed us His faithful love in an incredibly powerful and memorable way, and put me in a deep spiritual relationship with another woman that has already been life changing.
God is so good.
Since we have been attending at Southwest, one of the really important lessons that has taken hold in my heart is that Christianity, evangelism, etc. is about relationships. It’s about getting connected to people, in all their goodness and muck, and being Christ to them. One of the ways that this concept has been put into practice is through a group of men that gets together with our preacher in his basement. The “basement boys” are all about confessing sin and victory, holding each other accountable, and just being in relationship with each other for the purpose of becoming more like Christ. The more I heard about this group, the more I wanted to be in a group like it. So, starting in about January, I really began to mull over the idea of beginning a group like the “basement boys”.
Around the end of May, my husband came across a house that we thought was pretty amazing. We had been discussing the idea of moving for a couple of years, but weren’t in any great hurry. In our discussions, we had come up with a pretty specific list of things we wanted in a house, one that I thought was probably pretty lofty for a good long time. But then we happened along this house on Gary St.
Of course, this brought our discussions about selling our house and buying another one right to the forefront of our minds. When we got home from our ranch trips, I decided to find a realtor and just see if this house was as great as we thought it was or if there were others out there. At the time, it seemed like it fit all of the things we wanted and so I wondered if it was truly unique.
I discovered pretty quickly that the Gary house was NOT unique. There were actually quite a few houses out there that came pretty close to fitting most of the things that we wanted. After about a week of looking at what felt like a million houses, I found one that seemed like the perfect fit for our wish list. It had room for both of us to have an office, plus a guest room, and it had a fantastic shop. But what I really loved about it was the living space. It had a large living room that was open to the dining room and also open to a den that was added on to the original house. When I stood in the kitchen and looked out into those rooms, I began to envision life group, scrapbooking, and maybe even a space for my own version of the “basement boys”. The flicker of longing to begin a group was being fanned into a small but steady flame.
On one of those house searching days, I stopped by N’s office just to chat and got a phone call from our realtor while I was there. The price on the house I liked had been reduced by ten thousand dollars and she wondered if I wanted to show it to N. Of course I did, so we made an appointment to meet there. My second visit to the house was even better than the first. All I could think about was how great of a house it would be for entertaining and how perfect for starting “the group”. N loved the house too; the flame grew.
Unfortunately, we were not in a place to make an offer on this wonderful house. Our house wasn’t even on the market, and we sure couldn’t have two houses. So, after much discussion, we decided to get ours ready, put it on the market, and then make an offer.
In the mean time, we went back to our dream house for one more look. This time, when I walked in the house, I immediately told God that if He gave us this house or one like it, I would give it back to Him. I told Him I’d have ladies in, get in relationship, and really allow Him to work through those relationships to transform me.
We spent about ten days packing up all the excess in our current house and moving it out to storage. Then I cleaned, repaired, painted, and staged our house so that it was show ready. Our realtor was thrilled because we were willing to do most anything she suggested. Our thinking was that we wanted to do everything we could to get it sold, and if that meant living in Whoville for a while, we were willing.
From the first day it listed, we had lots of lookers. And I began to imagine what it would be like to have the house we wanted. In under a week, God sent a buyer, and we had a full price contract on our house to close in just weeks. We turned around and negotiated a contract on the dream house the next day. And though I was very excited, I couldn’t help but remember the promise I’d made to God and be just a little nervous about what I’d done.
But that didn’t stop me from beginning to actually imagine how each room would be used and arranged and salivating over the storage prospects.
And then our contract fell through; she backed out. And we were so disappointed. I asked God why? Didn’t He want me to do what I’d promised?
And this was His answer, “It’s not about the house”.
And I knew immediately that He was right. I didn’t need a new house to begin delving into life changing relationships. And though I hated to do it, I thanked Him for sending the perfect contract and then allowing it to fall through. Because before that I was so focused on the house that I had missed what He really wanted for me.
The following week I began meeting with a friend for the purpose of becoming a “basement boys” type of group. And we met in our old house. And the things that God revealed to both of us in just that first meeting were some of the most powerful lessons of God I’ve ever learned.
It really wasn’t about the house.
But that didn’t stop me from praying that God would send us a cash offer for our house that would allow us to still close on our old house on the originally scheduled date and close on the dream house the very next day.
And He did.
In just one day shy of four weeks, we got our house ready to sell, listed it, sold it, bought a new one, and moved.
Actually, what really happened is this…in one day shy of four weeks, God taught me an incredibly important lesson, blessed us beyond what we ever deserved, showed us His faithful love in an incredibly powerful and memorable way, and put me in a deep spiritual relationship with another woman that has already been life changing.
God is so good.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Appliance Survey
We are going to be buying new washer, dryer, and refrigerator this week. I'm curious if any of you have clear preferences on top loading vs. front loading? Also, what about side by side vs. freezer on top or bottom of the refrigerator? If any of you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it...even you secret readers who never leave comments.
Please continue to pray that all goes smoothly through closing. Saturday at midnight is the end of our buyer's option time. We close on our house Monday morning and the new house Tuesday morning. We seriously appreciate all of your prayers about it.
I have a whole new respect for people who have to move around frequently. It is exciting, but it is wearing me out. I'm ok if we never have to move again!
Please continue to pray that all goes smoothly through closing. Saturday at midnight is the end of our buyer's option time. We close on our house Monday morning and the new house Tuesday morning. We seriously appreciate all of your prayers about it.
I have a whole new respect for people who have to move around frequently. It is exciting, but it is wearing me out. I'm ok if we never have to move again!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Brief Update
We have a new contract on our house. It isn't quite as good as what we had hoped, but they are paying cash. That means that we will be able to close and move on the originally scheduled dates, August 18 and 19. Praise God! And keep praying that this contract sticks!
On another note, I just have to say again how much I love Southwest c of C. Every worship I leave feeling challenged, filled, and equipped to be a disciple the rest of the week. God has been so good to us.
On another note, I just have to say again how much I love Southwest c of C. Every worship I leave feeling challenged, filled, and equipped to be a disciple the rest of the week. God has been so good to us.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
D.C. al fine
And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight.
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend.
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I totally thought I was done with this song, because frankly, I'm not one of those people who usually longs for the Lord to return right now. I always think about the things I'd still like to do and experience. I tend to think that it is older folks who really sing with gusto on this verse.
But tonight, I got to experience something that made me long to hear that trumpet sound and see the Lord descend. Our church had a combined service with the other big church of Christ in town. The worship ministers from both places lead us in worship that was entirely singing and reading scripture. Or course, since it was a Sunday night, it was a smaller crowd from both churches, but large enough to fill the chapel. And, as usually happens, it was a group who wanted to sing.
And sing we did. It took my breath away. I have a friend who gives me a hard time(not in a bad way) about being a member of the church of Christ, and more specifically about singing a capella. I wish she could have been there. I think she would have been blown away by not only the beautiful singing but also the moving of the Spirit in that place. It felt like a little bit of heaven.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and I haven't really been looking forward to it. I had a difficult year last year, and I've been somewhat apprehensive about what this year might hold. I can't think of a better way to get in the right frame of mind to go back than by the drink of Oasis I got to experience tonight.
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend.
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I totally thought I was done with this song, because frankly, I'm not one of those people who usually longs for the Lord to return right now. I always think about the things I'd still like to do and experience. I tend to think that it is older folks who really sing with gusto on this verse.
But tonight, I got to experience something that made me long to hear that trumpet sound and see the Lord descend. Our church had a combined service with the other big church of Christ in town. The worship ministers from both places lead us in worship that was entirely singing and reading scripture. Or course, since it was a Sunday night, it was a smaller crowd from both churches, but large enough to fill the chapel. And, as usually happens, it was a group who wanted to sing.
And sing we did. It took my breath away. I have a friend who gives me a hard time(not in a bad way) about being a member of the church of Christ, and more specifically about singing a capella. I wish she could have been there. I think she would have been blown away by not only the beautiful singing but also the moving of the Spirit in that place. It felt like a little bit of heaven.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and I haven't really been looking forward to it. I had a difficult year last year, and I've been somewhat apprehensive about what this year might hold. I can't think of a better way to get in the right frame of mind to go back than by the drink of Oasis I got to experience tonight.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Same Song, Different Verse
When peace, like a river, attendath my way.
When sorrows, like sea billows, roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well. It is well, with my soul.
On our way to dinner, in honor of our eleventh wedding anniversary, we got a phone call from our realtor. She let us know that the woman with whom we had a contract on our house backed out. So, we are headed back to Whoville. The magic lines on the carpet should be in place before we leave for church tomorrow. Even so, it is still well, with my soul.
And in honor of our 11th anniversary, here are 11 things that I love about my beloved.
1. He makes me laugh every single day.
2. He gives me a great deal on computer repair. He fixes it; I give him...whatever. ;)
3. He helps me to remember that worry is a waste of energy.
4. He is very handy...oh, and he can fix stuff too.
5. He makes me laugh at myself.
6. He willingly completes my mom's honey-do list when we visit.
7. He always drives, even on long trips.
8. He taught me to shoot a gun and drive an ATV.
9. He doesn't get uncomfortable when I cry.
10. He LOVES to talk about his feelings.
11. He might call me a "Smoochmonger", but he gives me as many as I want anyway.
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