I Wonder

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Voice
That sings the lullaby
That quiets the tears.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Kisser
Of scratches and scrapes
With magic healing powers.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Soother
When the coach yells unfairly
Poking your sore spots that were already bruised.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the sideline Cheerer
Bursting with pride at the block
That all the other parents are cheering too.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Stylist
Of hair and sparkle and bows
Sharing excitement over the date.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Listener
Of problems and worries and stress
That just listening to seems to deflate.

I wonder what it’s like
To be the Mom.


Thanks to my niece, I got to glimpse some of this over the weekend.  I got to do the hair and have the "mom bag" with extra sunscreen, water, snacks, hairbands, hand sanitizer, and books.  I got to cheer and groan with the crowd.  I experienced the desire to throttle the coach.  I got to hear the crowd cheer for my girl.  I got to hug and snuggle and dry tears.  It was a little bit of heaven.

I know people sometimes wonder about my feelings on this topic of not having kids.  My answer sort of depends on the day.  Overall, I'm at peace with the decisions I've made about it in the past.  I did what I thought was right, and I believe that God blessed those decisions. 

On the other hand, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about what is lost.  Of course I do.  Not having kids is the death of a dream.  Any death requires mourning.  I mourn the loss of kids at different times and in different ways.  At this point in my life, the pain isn't nearly so sharp as it was years ago, nor as frequent.  I am very content and God has blessed me richly with hundreds of kids that I get to work with daily...then send home to their parents.  =]

I wrote this poem and this post as part of that mourning and healing.  I'm sharing it in an attempt at honesty.  That's what my blog was meant to be about.  And I'm definitely not looking for you to feel sorry for me.  I'd also love it if you didn't leave comments about it not being too late for me to have kids or adopt or other stuff like that.  I know all that is true.  And I'm open for whatever God chooses to do with my life. 

I have found that when a person mourns, the best response is just to acknowledge the loss and stand in that pain with the person.  No need to try to fix it.  Much like sitting Shivah.  Thanks for taking the minute it took to read this to stand in my grief with me.

Why I Love and Admire My Big Brothers

*Their involvement in their kid’s lives.

*The way they hug and love on their kids.

*They treat their wives with respect.

*They aren’t afraid of hard work.

*They know how to do laundry, dishes, and other “wife” jobs, and very frequently do them.

*They treat their wives as partners.

*The way they hug and love on their wives.

*They are protective of their little sister.

*In hard times, they would do just about anything to support me.

*They express genuine interest in my life.

*They encourage Aunt Laura’s participation in the lives of their kids.

*They check in with their mom regularly.

*They are exceptionally loyal.

*They love John unconditionally.

*They are Christ-like examples to their children.

*They remind me of my dad.

Wen win?

A while back I was seduced by the picture perfect, healthy and strong, model worthy hair of the Wen models.  I actually watched the entire infomercial, sucked in by the before and after pictures of the common woman made camera ready by the magic of the Wen haircare system.  I made my order and waited with great anticipation.

When the box arrived, I was impressed with their environmental conscientiousness.  There was minimal packaging waste.  I read through all of the instructional material and planned my new haircare regime.

So, the question is, was it everything I hoped it would be?

Yes.  And no.

So here's the scoop.  The honest truth from someone you actually know.

First, the instructions advise you to not use hot water on your hair for the wash/conditioning.  Who does that?  I am not a fan of a cold shower.  Not even a lukewarm shower.  But I went with lukewarm anyway as sort of a compromise.

Then, you are supposed to leave the stuff on your hair for like five minutes.  Seriously?  Who has time for that?  But I adjusted my routine so that I could put it on then do the other showering things before rinsing.

The instructions also say to apply the product in sections of your hair and use 5-7 "pumps" of the product per section.  If your hair is long, you should use more, 8-10...per section.  They say the more you use the better the result.  Ok, I'm no genius, but 10 pumps on all the sections of my hair, every day?  That's going to take a LOT of product.

But the truth is, it made my hair very soft.  It also made it stronger.  I had far less breakage and loss of hair.  I actually loved the conditioning shampoo.  The other products in the introductory package were less impressive.  But I really did enjoy the shampoo. 

Unfortunately, to use the product as suggested, would cost a fortune.  I decided not to reorder.

But lo, I didn't have to!  More product was sent to me automagically!  Yeah, they don't mention that part on the commercial.  They keep sending you the product.  And guess what?  They also keep charging you for it!  Go figure.  And the introductory products are cheaper than the regular sized ones.  Amazing. 

I finally called to cancel, but by then, I had one more payment due for the second shipment.  Fantastic.  After jumping through the many hoops with the telephone operator, I was able to cancel.

Great product.  Terrible price.  I decided I'd rather spend my money elsewhere.

KO

Puffy eye tired
Slow blinking
Stay awake

Knee cracking stretch
Silent groaning
Step forward

Fighting fists defeated
Slouching stance
Punching air

Counting down to none
Slow motion falling
Fade to black


I wrote this several weeks back in the midst of my crazy deadlines.  It was a bad day for sure.  My favorite thing though was when I sent this out to some of my PotD peeps.  (Poem of the Day...they are usually very silly...the poems, not the peeps ;)  Anyway, one of them said he pittied the opponent.  I'd written it as the defeated.  It was a nice bit of encouragement from a good friend.

The Eleven Challenge

My friend Karen from He Leadeth Me gave me the following challenge.

 

The Eleven Challenge

 

 1. You must post the rules.

2. Post 11 fun facts about yourself on the blog post.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.

and then create 11 new questions for the people you tagged.

4. Tag people and link them on your post.

5. Let them know you've tagged them!

11 Fun (or not so fun) Facts:

 

1. I'm originally from South Haven, Michigan.
2. I'm kind of afraid of the dark.
3. I've recently been contemplating a tattoo.  Lol.  Seriously.
4. I can be very crafty when properly motivated.
5. I've broken my left wrist twice and my right collar bone twice.
6. I like to take pictures, but I'm hesitant to ask people to let me take their pictures.
7. I think I have a couple of books inside of me waiting to be written.
8. I often write very silly PotDs, Poems of the Day, and send them to my coworkers and closest friends.
9. I play WoW sometimes and have made a few good friends in such places as Lousisiana, Arizona, and Vermont.
10. I've lived in Houston for seven months and haven't found any doctors yet.
11. I have a favorite blanket that I've had since I was...well, I don't know how long.  I stole it from my mom's when I moved out.  It has a rubbie...it's in my lap.

Karen's Questions:

 

1.  What is the best book you have read recently?

I used to read a ton, but less these days.  The only books I've read recently are Stieg Larson's, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and The Girl Who Played With Fire.  They were good, but not my usual style.

2.  If money was no object, where would you go on vacation?

Ireland, Italy, an island, New York, Washington DC, to name a few.  And I'd want a spa day in the vacation package.  =]

3.  What is a memory of a grandparent?

Grandpa Robbins telling me about how the pool table was able to sort out the white ball to the right place.  It involved a little tiny fat man in the table who bounced the balls on his tummy in the right way...

4.  Who was your favorite teacher and why?

Mrs. Small.  She taught me math for two years in high school, Algebra II and Trig/EA.  Her dad died when she was 16.  She "got" me.

5.  What was a book you remember reading as a child?

Are You My Mother?, Nancy Drew, Boxcar Children, Clara Barton, Mrs. Piggly Wiggly, The Littles, anything I could get my hands on.

6.  What is something you remember doing with a sibling?

I remember rocking and singing to John.  He loved me to sing to him.  And I loved getting him to giggle.  I also enjoyed having him say "sit" and "frog", because it sounded like cuss words when he did.  lol.  My mother just loved that...

7.  What is something that frightens you?

Disappointing my family, my mom and brothers specifically.  Sometimes I hesitate to do what I think is the right or best thing for me because I'm afraid they will disprove. 

8.  Are you a mountain person or a beach person? Why?

Mountain.  Beautiful views.  Lots of reasons.  I'm not a big fan of water.  It's connected to my fear of the dark.  I prefer my water in a pool where I can see clearly that there are no monsters.

9.  What do you look for in a friend?

Loyalty.  Compassion.  Not judgmental.  Loves John.  If you can't love John, I don't want to be friends.

10.  What helps you to worship your creator?

Music and singing.  My favorite worship was during praise team rehearsal when I went to Southeast.  Doyle pastored me much.

11.  How do you feel about public speaking?

Call me crazy, but I love it.  I love motivational speaking.  I love doing professional development.  I've enjoyed speaking at Ladie's Day type things.  I love teaching my peers.  I even enjoyed TAKS training.  Crazy, I know.  Writing and speaking would be my dream job.

I have tagged the following people challenging them

to answer on their blogs, but I would love to hear in the

comment section from all of you.

 

Renate, Buttercream Dreams and Other Yummy Things

Allison, Walking Through The Doors He Opens

 

My Questions

 

1.  What's your favorite dad memory?

2.  What's your favorite comfort food, show, item, etc.?

3.  What's your favorite cause?

4.  What do you want to be when you grow up?

5.  Describe your favorite vacation.

6.  Who was your favoirte teacher and why?

7.  Do you remember any of your school counselors?

8.  What's your favorite thing to do with your kid(s)?

9.  Your favorite place to shop and why?

10.  If you could do one year of your life over, which would it be and why?

11.  Who inspires you and why?

Slumber Party

Sparkly nails

Lots of kisses

Apple cider

Fancy dishes.

Hot chocolate

Christmas lights

Watching “Tangled”

Late, late night.

Morning hugs

In my bed

Photos snapped

In my head.

Secret notes

Tender care

Left for me

Everywhere

Precious girls

Life’s uncertainties

All that matters

Precious memories.


I wrote this a few weeks back and forgot to post it.  I had such a great time having all of my sweet nieces over during the holiday.  I really am blessed with 8 precious nieces and nephews who love me very much.  I love and enjoy them all like crazy.

Stats

My blog stats say that someone in the Netherlands reads this fairly often.  I've never been there and don't know anyone there.  How cool is that?  Cool that someone reads it, not that I haven't been to the Netherlands.  =]