I read a note from Modern Mrs.Darcie recently that struck a cord with me. She invited email responses to the question she answered, but I decided to post my answer here. The question?
What is saving your life right now?
I love this question because it takes the focus away from the very real and big struggles of being a new wife, stepmom, and parenting partner with the "ex". And let me be clear, the last item on that list is GIANT!
But I like the idea of stopping to celebrate the things in my life that are saving me and helping me cope.
1. Coffee. My comfort beverage. There are few things as soothing to my soul as stopping in Starbucks for a cup of coffee and pausing to enjoy it. Last week after a particularly trying day of parent partnering, I stopped for coffee before heading to HEB. Sitting outside in the sun with my favorite tall beverage, I was still and found some peace.
Occasionally I'll have an afternoon cup at work as well. When the day is spinning out of control, an afternoon cup is exactly the pause I need.
2. Talk radio. Seriously. The emotional demands of my current life are exhausting, and I rarely get enough sleep. The 45 minute morning commute is rough. Matt Patrick has become a dear friend who keeps me awake and between the lines.
3. The afternoon commute. I never thought I'd see it as a blessing, but most days, it is. It gives me time to unwind before I get to the whirlwind of activity that is my new life.
4. Love notes. My sweet Matt makes my lunch every day. In every lunch, there is a bag with a sweet note or drawing. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, it makes me smile. And helps me breathe.
5. My sponsor. I have very good friends that I can talk to any time. They are the best. But in the new land of stepfamily craziness, I realized quickly that I need more specialized guidance. If the first step is admitting you have a problem, I'm there. I know I do. So I started praying that God would send a fellow pilgrim on the journey who understood the pitfalls. But I wanted someone further along who'd already forged a path that was working. And it needed to be someone who wouldn't just sit around and gripe with me, because I'm good at that all by myself. I needed someone with grace and compassion and helpful suggestions!
God sent me Peggy. She said she wouldn't be my sponsor, but she'd be my friend. That works, though I still think of her as my wiser, experienced, "sober" sponsor. We've met twice now and plan to continue. She is SO uplifting and encouraging. She gets how hard this path is, but she shows me that it's worth it. She truly "sees" me in the present struggles and fully knows the pain. She gives me hope that I'll survive the holidays. Holidays can be difficult for traditional families. For stepfamilies, they can be a nightmare. (And it was very positive of me to say "can be" because presently it feels more like "definitely are" is more accurate.)
6. Undisturbed moments with Matt. They are rare. Things are always pushing in. Good things. Bad things. Time sucking things. When we have an evening without commitments or calls or chaos, it is absolutely sacred. And absolutely vital to my survival.
I am extremely grateful for the blessing of my new family. But I'd be lying if I said we were having an easy time of it. There is nothing easy about becoming a vital, healthy stepfamily. It is excruciating.
In fact, I think it's about time for a cup of therapy...I mean coffee.
