My Favorite Gladiator

I've read much on educational leadership over the years and experienced many styles first hand. I know all about leading by fear and the tears of frustration and hurt when principals need to flex their muscles to feel powerful by making someone else feel small.

I've seen the chaos of those entirely oblivious to the shenanigans happening in classrooms because they prefer to lead with their heads in the sand. I've sweat buckets under the watchful eye of the micromanagers who show no confidence in the professionals they hired to do the job they were trained to do.

But the most effective school leader I've ever known has an entirely different approach. He leads by love.

Steve West is one of a kind. He is six foot twenty-two, or something like that, and probably the kindest, most tender-hearted guy I've known in education.  Working for him and with him was a joy.

He's been in education for a while, but the last 11 years of his career have been at Greenways Intermediate.  This is where I met him, 11 years ago.

I don't think he has any magical educational powers or super genius educational methods.  What he does have is a giant heart that translates to knowing his 800+ students by name each year.  Kids have to jump up high to reach his high five, but it's the highlight of their day.  They may not have daddy's at home, but there is a big teddy bear at school who always has a ready hug and smile.

The Greenways family is unique.  People want to work for Mr. West. Again, not because of his instructional genius, but because of his love.  Mr. West loves his faculty and staff with the same generosity as his students.  In a world where hugs are so often frowned on, Mr. West still hugs his people.

He knows what is going on in their lives.  The GIS family has had its share of heartache over the 11 years it's been open, but this past year stretched them to the brink. They've lost spouses and children, parents and friends. They've shed buckets of tears together all while going about the business of loving and educating kids.  Oh yeah, and passing tests. Because that's what we do in education.

Don't get me wrong, Mr. West is not perfect. There were a number of times in my eight years there when I was accused of flipping him off in my mind...for good reason.  We didn't always agree on the execution of plans.  I occasionally wanted him to be a little more of the lead by fear guy when someone wasn't taking care of business. But I never once questioned his love for the kids, the faculty, or me.

In May of my seventh year at Greenways, I found myself in the depths of the worst possible pit of personal struggle. My marriage was crumbling around me and I was in a place of extreme crisis and fear.  Besides my two best friends and my family in Houston, for quite some time, the only people in my professional life who knew what was going on were my other counselor and Mr. West.

I was most definitely not at my best professionally, and I needed him to know why.  His approach?  Love. And grace.  He didn't ask questions, and I didn't offer details.  He offered a daily hug, or several. He allowed me to change positions in order to accommodate my pending legal frustrations and eventual move back home.

More than that, he never doubted my ability to do my job.  He continued to treat me as a professional and expressed the same confidence in me as a counselor that he always had.  And in a time of extreme self doubt, this was a healing balm.

I came back to Amarillo this weekend for a party in my honor. An opportunity for my Amarillo family to meet my new loves. And who was there to share in my joy?  My Greenways family, of course.

Neither before nor since have I experienced this degree of family in my career.  I get it from my actual family. And my church family in Houston is a rock. But professionally, this level of bond is rare.

And at its heart is Steve West, more specifically, his heart. He gets teary and choked up at the drop of a hat. He hugs his people with total disregard for political correctness. He high fives and hugs even the stinkiest and dirtiest of kids.  And we love him for it.

He knows PLCs and data. Best practices and strategic learning.  His campus improvement plan is as good as they get. But his leadership is all heart. He's just loving people. And it works.

Life is Uncertain. Eat Dessert First.

All of the ingredients came together in sweet perfection. I raced home from work to get my lofty supper plan going.  I'd had a random idea to make cinnamon apples to go with our Tex Mex menu and they needed to get in the crockpot pronto.

By the time the apples were on and the enchiladas assembled, Matt and Isabelle were on their way home, with a small Blue Bell detour. It's Thursday. Thursdays are Isabelle days.

Time is short on Thursdays, and the goal is to squeeze in all the good stuff possible.  Supper in progress, I had a few minutes to squeeze in some thank you writing before I heard Isabelle run up to the door and hastily make her way to me.

A nine year old, running hug greeting is pretty much it.

Greetings and hugs and a quick change had us ready for the pool.  When we go to the pool, we are without exception, the only parents who get in with their kids every time, for the whole time. I think for Isabelle, this is heaven.

After a cool swim, I left to finish supper.  By the time they got home, supper was ready and another couple of thank you notes written.  They set the table. Matt served and blessed. And we had a delicious meal that was a win for all eaters. Yes!

After, I asked them to clear the table and rinse the dishes so I could squeeze in a few more notes. Isabelle asked if she could scrub dishes. Can you scrub dishes?  Why yes. Yes you can. On a chair. So Matt gave instructions and they set out to clean. All smiles.

I praised their spotless finish and thanked them, to which Isabelle responded, "I think it's fun."  I agreed. Doing things as a family, as a team, IS fun. I'm glad that tonight she wants to be on the team.

And if all of that wasn't enough, there was dessert. "Mr. Bean's Holiday" and vanilla Blue Bell with homemade cinnamon apples, still warm.

I know that every Thursday won't be this delicious. That is why I'm savoring this one. Just before the movie started, Isabelle said, "For our first family Christmas, I think we should watch 'Christmas vacation'."  All Thursdays may not be like this one, but I'm glad to know that she is already looking ahead to many more special family times.

Moments of Clarity

The past four weeks have been a blur.  Family and friends from all over the country came into town.  I got married.  I went on a seven day cruise out of the country and experienced things I've never even imagined.  I came back to town and began to settle my things in my new home, at least enough to get dressed and ready for church or work.  And I became a full time step mom.

Being a step mom is no small thing.  In fact, it's maybe one of the biggest things that has ever happened in my life.  And I hit it head on with Isabelle all to myself while her daddy was at work.  All while trying to do that whole "settling in" thing.  It had seemed like such a good idea to schedule it that way six weeks earlier...

The reality looked me straight in the face our first morning alone when she knocked on the door and came in and got in bed with me.  She was so happy to see me.  And I was scared to death.  What in the world am I supposed to do with this nine year old mussed up slip of a girl staring at me with grand expectation in her eyes?  But we managed.

And then we had this crazy idea to take a family vacation.  But not just any vacation, a Matt style vacation. What is Matt style?  Matt style means packing in as much fun as possible into every second of the day.  It means doing 57 things in the time and space for 33.

Two days of Fiesta Texas.  One day of Sea World.  One day of River Walk and Fire Department Museum. 262 miles of walking in 119 degree weather.  22 roller coasters going miles above the earth at 153 miles per hour.  And the biggest mass of tattooed and pierced humanity I've seen at one time in my whole life.  Ok, some of that is an exaggeration, but that's pretty much what the week felt like.

And it was a grand opportunity for the Milams to see each other at their very best and worst.  The highs of conquering the Iron Rattler and the lows of ride closing, lightening heart break.  The glory of Shamu and the agony of driving in circles looking for the amazing food network reviewed restaurant just to end up at Red Robin.  Arriving at opening, leaving at closing, and utter exhaustion in the baking, sweaty heat.

It was an opportunity to learn lessons about not getting everything we want.  But it was also learning gratitude for the amazing things we do get.  Lessons about doing things that everyone enjoys even if it means we walk through some of the rides.  And that crucial go to the restroom while you have a chance lesson.

It's been fun.  And it's been exhausting.  And I must admit that this new step mom has been completely overwhelmed, annoyed, terrified, and overjoyed to the point of tears on multiple occasions.

But tonight, I got a little reminder of why it's all worth while.  After she'd returned to her mom and I finished preparations for my first day back at work, Matt showed me this treasure she'd left.

Someone is paying attention to the lessons. She is struggling to figure it all out the same as me.  But sometimes when I'm trying to make sure I do it all right and when I'm most feeling like I may not be quite good enough, she reminds me of what is most important.