While Actively Monitoring...

I have a dear friend who is very much like my husband.  One of the qualities she and Matt have in common is their knack for trying to fit in 57 things in the time available for 33 things.  It is a quality that is both endearing and challenging for a spouse.

She recently asked me if I ever felt like I was being dragged along in Matt's wake.  My immediate thought was, "No."  But it's an interesting metaphor that I've thought about frequently in the weeks since she first posed the question.  Today, while "Actively Monitoring," I had an opportunity to put this together in my head and jot it down a line at a time during my brief foot/leg rests.


Slipstream

Pulling me along
In your wake
We fly over waves
Ferocious and free

Wind on my face
Lightening speed
My heart races
Excitement and fear

Exhaustion's undertow
Pulling down
My legs kick faster
Cramping and sore

Always checking
Looking back
You never leave.
My partner in pain.

In quiet waters
You reach out
My hand in yours
Contentment and rest

Ghosts of Heartaches Past

Revenants.

Whispers of fear

Lurking in shadows

Tendril fingers reaching.

Tripping me on pain.

Apparitions.

Waiting patiently

Biding their time

Blitzing from nowhere.

Choking my spirit on dread.

Specters.

Stalking stealthily

Sneaking in uninvited

Sucking out life.

Stealing my breath away.

Phantoms.

Nearly forgotten

Hiding in corners

Brushing against bare skin.

Shivering my soul.

Guardians.

Gently reminding

Rescuers in waiting

Erasing secret doubt.

Soothing my heart.

Confessions of a FB Bragger

Some time back, I got sucked in to one of those random articles that shows up in my newsfeed on Facebook.  It might have been from Huffington Post, but it was something along the lines of “Facebook Personas You Should Avoid”.  I don’t really remember too much about it except for one.  And I’m afraid the worst has happened.  I must confess I’ve turned into that person on FB who always brags about her man.

Last week I posted something about how love is putting a heating pad at the foot of the bed for your wife, etc.  The next day I had to resist the urge to post another “Love is” status update.  In fact, I’ve been resisting the urge quite a lot.  I wouldn’t want to offend someone with my constant praise of my husband…so I’m blogging it instead.  Ha!

As it turns out, I don’t quite agree with the article.  I think praising your spouse is a good thing, especially to him.  But I also think it’s extremely healthy to praise your spouse in front of him.  But this FB posting thing, it’s a whole other thing for me.  My spouse is rarely on FB, so when I post something, he may or may not ever see it.  And I kind of get a kick out of all my FB peeps seeing how awesome he is without him even knowing.  I DO want to brag on him.  Not to make anyone jealous, it is definitely not a “nana nana boo boo” kind of thing.  I just want to share my joy.

And maybe more than that, I do not EVER want to take for granted how awesome he is and how blessed I am.  I see people do that all the time.  I’VE done that before.  Some people think we are just in the “honeymoon” phase.  Maybe.  But I’m ok with staying here.  At least as it pertains to being always grateful for the gift that Matt is to me.

So here are some things that I’ve jotted down recently, and some are things I do for him.  Not to brag about me, but to make a point that I’ll get to in a minute.

• Love is taking the wife’s car back out to get gas at 8:00 p.m.  so she has a full tank in the morning and doesn’t have to fill up in the dark either going to or coming from work across town.
• Love is staying up way past pumpkin regularly to bandage the husband’s head wound after his shower that was long past her bedtime.
• Love is putting toothpaste on your partner’s toothbrush each night when you do your own.
• Love is setting up the coffee the night before so that your partner can get caffeine in his/her system immediately upon becoming vertical.
• Love is making lunches for your wife every single morning including Friday’s when you could sleep in a little.
• Love is a candle lit dinner on the porch with the crystal glasses.
• Love is homemade cookies, just because.
• Love is homemade pancakes, bacon and syrup on Saturday morning.
• Love is knowing that 3 emojis in a row means “I love you.”
• Love is never running out of things to talk about.
• Love is being ok with Friday night takeout and movie at home instead of going out or a home cooked meal.
• Love is doing laundry and cleaning on your day off so the weekend is free for fun stuff.
• Love is holding hands as you fall asleep every single night.  Seriously.  Every.  Single.  Night.

Mostly, I think love is kindness.  I’ll never forget the first time Matt put toothpaste on my toothbrush at the same time as his own.  It wasn’t any big thing.  But I thought it was such a thoughtful and kind gesture.  Every night since then, whoever gets to the toothbrushes first puts the toothpaste on.  Not because it is the expectation, but because it’s just a nice thing to do.

I’ve never  met someone as thoughtful and kind as Matt.  His generosity of love makes me want to be more so in mine.  Is he perfect?  Umm…not even close.  Does he mess up?  Yes.  So do I.  All the time.  Do we talk about it? Absolutely.  And that is different for me.  In my past, I avoided confrontation.  Not anymore. 

The thing about FB and this blog is that once it is out there on the internet, it’s out there.  It is saved.  It is a reminder.  It is a place to look back and see what was.  It is a reminder of how I want it to always be.  So, if you don’t like my husband praising status updates, ok.  I’m totally comfortable with you not following me or even unfriending me.  But seriously, my husband is A-Maz-Ing!!!