I just finished reading the book Same Kind of Different as Me. Literally, I just finished it. It is an awesome book. Go buy it and read it tomorrow. It is the true story of an international art dealer and a homeless man and the life changing way God brings them together. Unbelievable. You will laugh, cry, and question.
It is just one more reminder that life is about relationships. If you want to make a difference in this world, enter into an authentic relationship with another mere mortal and love him the same way God loves you. And if you are really daring, try loving someone you think is unlovable.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The Great Fear
Last year was a difficult one for me professionally as it seemed the focus of my job went from counseling to “other duties as assigned”, the primary other duty being state testing. I don’t love the stress of testing, but I have to admit that the organization of it appeals to my controlling side that loves to create order out of chaos. It is a beautiful thing to see it all come together after so many weeks of frantic planning and frenzied sorting, bubbling, and training.
By February I was in full testing mode and very little counseling was happening. To make matters worse, this was the year that the other counselor’s status had changed from full time to a split position between my school and another. In years past, I knew that if I wasn’t seeing kids during testing season, someone else was. Not this time.
So, frustrated and disheartened, I began to actively look for another job because “I wasn’t getting to be a counselor anymore.”
With each application I prayed that if it was the right job for me, I would get an offer, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t. This was the fleece I was putting out to verify what God wanted from me. Four separate opportunities came and went. And though I was disappointed, I became convinced that God already had me right where He wanted me. So I started this year feeling pretty ambivalent; I wanted to be where God wanted me, but I was pretty sure He had made a mistake.
In the meantime, I was invited to join a small book club who met Wednesday mornings at 7 a.m. I readily agreed and was super excited about the new book they were starting, The Shack, by William P. Young. I’d been hearing about this book and planned to read it anyway, so I jumped right in.
Usually, I read a book in 2 to 3 days. This one is way too meaty for rushing. When my little brother was much younger, he had many dietary problems. But one of the things that I found particularly strange was the way he would keep a piece of meat in his mouth for literally hours. He’d just keep chewing and chewing without swallowing.
The first section of The Shack was like this for me. Young sets up the book by telling about a very tragic event in Mack’s (the main character’s) life that leads to The Great Sadness. I kept chewing and chewing on the words he used to describe it: overanxious, panicky, paralyzed, overwhelmed, angry, swept helplessly away.
I can so relate to Mack. Young writes, “Almost succumbing to the sudden blackness that threatened to smother him, Mack leaned on the table to keep from passing out or throwing up.” There were days last year when that was how I felt.
And over several weeks, I continued to chew on those words that so resonated with me. They puzzled me though because they made sense when my experience wasn’t at all like Mack’s. Unlike Mack, I wasn’t feeling particularly sad. So I kept chewing until one day I figured out what it was I was tasting in those words.
It was kind of like the close up, CSI view of the tumblers on a fancy lock all falling into place and then CLICK, that distinctive sound of everything coming together. I realized that what I had tasted in those words was not sadness but fear.
I am very much afraid of being a counselor! Counseling is very scary work. When a 10 year old walks in and tells you about how she has been sexually abused for years and she’s never told anyone before…it’s terrifying.
Or perhaps the one who comes crying with a broken heart because on some crazy whim his father is no longer allowing his son to call him “dad”. How am I supposed to fix that?
Or what about when you’ve done the hard stuff, made the reports, and now you have to go to court and be cross examined by four different lawyers with four separate agendas that don't seem to take into account several very lost and afraid children? It gives me the shivers just remembering it.
And cutting, this new (to me) phenomena where people feel compelled to inflict physical pain on themselves because they are so desperate to feel something, even if it is pain. I can't even begin to relate to that. Scary.
Somewhere along the way, The Great Fear descended on me and I became paralyzed at the thought of what might walk in my office next.
So testing, and all the craziness that comes with it, had become my escape. My problem wasn’t that I wanted to do more counseling; I wanted to do less! And when I thought back on all those job opportunities, I realized they all had one thing in common: less counseling. Less delving into the sticky, yucky, scary mess of relationships.
But God, in His infinite wisdom has not let me off the hook. He didn’t let me run away because He has me right where He wants me. Only, He wants me to face The Great Fear and get back to doing the job He has already given me—counseling.
I’ve begun to do just that, but not alone. It was during the first week that kids came back to school that my enlightenment happened, and I began praying daily for God to give me the courage to walk in to The Great Fear in order to fulfill my mission as His disciple. And what exciting times the first six weeks have been!
By February I was in full testing mode and very little counseling was happening. To make matters worse, this was the year that the other counselor’s status had changed from full time to a split position between my school and another. In years past, I knew that if I wasn’t seeing kids during testing season, someone else was. Not this time.
So, frustrated and disheartened, I began to actively look for another job because “I wasn’t getting to be a counselor anymore.”
With each application I prayed that if it was the right job for me, I would get an offer, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t. This was the fleece I was putting out to verify what God wanted from me. Four separate opportunities came and went. And though I was disappointed, I became convinced that God already had me right where He wanted me. So I started this year feeling pretty ambivalent; I wanted to be where God wanted me, but I was pretty sure He had made a mistake.
In the meantime, I was invited to join a small book club who met Wednesday mornings at 7 a.m. I readily agreed and was super excited about the new book they were starting, The Shack, by William P. Young. I’d been hearing about this book and planned to read it anyway, so I jumped right in.
Usually, I read a book in 2 to 3 days. This one is way too meaty for rushing. When my little brother was much younger, he had many dietary problems. But one of the things that I found particularly strange was the way he would keep a piece of meat in his mouth for literally hours. He’d just keep chewing and chewing without swallowing.
The first section of The Shack was like this for me. Young sets up the book by telling about a very tragic event in Mack’s (the main character’s) life that leads to The Great Sadness. I kept chewing and chewing on the words he used to describe it: overanxious, panicky, paralyzed, overwhelmed, angry, swept helplessly away.
I can so relate to Mack. Young writes, “Almost succumbing to the sudden blackness that threatened to smother him, Mack leaned on the table to keep from passing out or throwing up.” There were days last year when that was how I felt.
And over several weeks, I continued to chew on those words that so resonated with me. They puzzled me though because they made sense when my experience wasn’t at all like Mack’s. Unlike Mack, I wasn’t feeling particularly sad. So I kept chewing until one day I figured out what it was I was tasting in those words.
It was kind of like the close up, CSI view of the tumblers on a fancy lock all falling into place and then CLICK, that distinctive sound of everything coming together. I realized that what I had tasted in those words was not sadness but fear.
I am very much afraid of being a counselor! Counseling is very scary work. When a 10 year old walks in and tells you about how she has been sexually abused for years and she’s never told anyone before…it’s terrifying.
Or perhaps the one who comes crying with a broken heart because on some crazy whim his father is no longer allowing his son to call him “dad”. How am I supposed to fix that?
Or what about when you’ve done the hard stuff, made the reports, and now you have to go to court and be cross examined by four different lawyers with four separate agendas that don't seem to take into account several very lost and afraid children? It gives me the shivers just remembering it.
And cutting, this new (to me) phenomena where people feel compelled to inflict physical pain on themselves because they are so desperate to feel something, even if it is pain. I can't even begin to relate to that. Scary.
Somewhere along the way, The Great Fear descended on me and I became paralyzed at the thought of what might walk in my office next.
So testing, and all the craziness that comes with it, had become my escape. My problem wasn’t that I wanted to do more counseling; I wanted to do less! And when I thought back on all those job opportunities, I realized they all had one thing in common: less counseling. Less delving into the sticky, yucky, scary mess of relationships.
But God, in His infinite wisdom has not let me off the hook. He didn’t let me run away because He has me right where He wants me. Only, He wants me to face The Great Fear and get back to doing the job He has already given me—counseling.
I’ve begun to do just that, but not alone. It was during the first week that kids came back to school that my enlightenment happened, and I began praying daily for God to give me the courage to walk in to The Great Fear in order to fulfill my mission as His disciple. And what exciting times the first six weeks have been!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
It's Not About The House
This is really long, but it's a story I've been wanting to tell for a couple of months now.
Since we have been attending at Southwest, one of the really important lessons that has taken hold in my heart is that Christianity, evangelism, etc. is about relationships. It’s about getting connected to people, in all their goodness and muck, and being Christ to them. One of the ways that this concept has been put into practice is through a group of men that gets together with our preacher in his basement. The “basement boys” are all about confessing sin and victory, holding each other accountable, and just being in relationship with each other for the purpose of becoming more like Christ. The more I heard about this group, the more I wanted to be in a group like it. So, starting in about January, I really began to mull over the idea of beginning a group like the “basement boys”.
Around the end of May, my husband came across a house that we thought was pretty amazing. We had been discussing the idea of moving for a couple of years, but weren’t in any great hurry. In our discussions, we had come up with a pretty specific list of things we wanted in a house, one that I thought was probably pretty lofty for a good long time. But then we happened along this house on Gary St.
Of course, this brought our discussions about selling our house and buying another one right to the forefront of our minds. When we got home from our ranch trips, I decided to find a realtor and just see if this house was as great as we thought it was or if there were others out there. At the time, it seemed like it fit all of the things we wanted and so I wondered if it was truly unique.
I discovered pretty quickly that the Gary house was NOT unique. There were actually quite a few houses out there that came pretty close to fitting most of the things that we wanted. After about a week of looking at what felt like a million houses, I found one that seemed like the perfect fit for our wish list. It had room for both of us to have an office, plus a guest room, and it had a fantastic shop. But what I really loved about it was the living space. It had a large living room that was open to the dining room and also open to a den that was added on to the original house. When I stood in the kitchen and looked out into those rooms, I began to envision life group, scrapbooking, and maybe even a space for my own version of the “basement boys”. The flicker of longing to begin a group was being fanned into a small but steady flame.
On one of those house searching days, I stopped by N’s office just to chat and got a phone call from our realtor while I was there. The price on the house I liked had been reduced by ten thousand dollars and she wondered if I wanted to show it to N. Of course I did, so we made an appointment to meet there. My second visit to the house was even better than the first. All I could think about was how great of a house it would be for entertaining and how perfect for starting “the group”. N loved the house too; the flame grew.
Unfortunately, we were not in a place to make an offer on this wonderful house. Our house wasn’t even on the market, and we sure couldn’t have two houses. So, after much discussion, we decided to get ours ready, put it on the market, and then make an offer.
In the mean time, we went back to our dream house for one more look. This time, when I walked in the house, I immediately told God that if He gave us this house or one like it, I would give it back to Him. I told Him I’d have ladies in, get in relationship, and really allow Him to work through those relationships to transform me.
We spent about ten days packing up all the excess in our current house and moving it out to storage. Then I cleaned, repaired, painted, and staged our house so that it was show ready. Our realtor was thrilled because we were willing to do most anything she suggested. Our thinking was that we wanted to do everything we could to get it sold, and if that meant living in Whoville for a while, we were willing.
From the first day it listed, we had lots of lookers. And I began to imagine what it would be like to have the house we wanted. In under a week, God sent a buyer, and we had a full price contract on our house to close in just weeks. We turned around and negotiated a contract on the dream house the next day. And though I was very excited, I couldn’t help but remember the promise I’d made to God and be just a little nervous about what I’d done.
But that didn’t stop me from beginning to actually imagine how each room would be used and arranged and salivating over the storage prospects.
And then our contract fell through; she backed out. And we were so disappointed. I asked God why? Didn’t He want me to do what I’d promised?
And this was His answer, “It’s not about the house”.
And I knew immediately that He was right. I didn’t need a new house to begin delving into life changing relationships. And though I hated to do it, I thanked Him for sending the perfect contract and then allowing it to fall through. Because before that I was so focused on the house that I had missed what He really wanted for me.
The following week I began meeting with a friend for the purpose of becoming a “basement boys” type of group. And we met in our old house. And the things that God revealed to both of us in just that first meeting were some of the most powerful lessons of God I’ve ever learned.
It really wasn’t about the house.
But that didn’t stop me from praying that God would send us a cash offer for our house that would allow us to still close on our old house on the originally scheduled date and close on the dream house the very next day.
And He did.
In just one day shy of four weeks, we got our house ready to sell, listed it, sold it, bought a new one, and moved.
Actually, what really happened is this…in one day shy of four weeks, God taught me an incredibly important lesson, blessed us beyond what we ever deserved, showed us His faithful love in an incredibly powerful and memorable way, and put me in a deep spiritual relationship with another woman that has already been life changing.
God is so good.
Since we have been attending at Southwest, one of the really important lessons that has taken hold in my heart is that Christianity, evangelism, etc. is about relationships. It’s about getting connected to people, in all their goodness and muck, and being Christ to them. One of the ways that this concept has been put into practice is through a group of men that gets together with our preacher in his basement. The “basement boys” are all about confessing sin and victory, holding each other accountable, and just being in relationship with each other for the purpose of becoming more like Christ. The more I heard about this group, the more I wanted to be in a group like it. So, starting in about January, I really began to mull over the idea of beginning a group like the “basement boys”.
Around the end of May, my husband came across a house that we thought was pretty amazing. We had been discussing the idea of moving for a couple of years, but weren’t in any great hurry. In our discussions, we had come up with a pretty specific list of things we wanted in a house, one that I thought was probably pretty lofty for a good long time. But then we happened along this house on Gary St.
Of course, this brought our discussions about selling our house and buying another one right to the forefront of our minds. When we got home from our ranch trips, I decided to find a realtor and just see if this house was as great as we thought it was or if there were others out there. At the time, it seemed like it fit all of the things we wanted and so I wondered if it was truly unique.
I discovered pretty quickly that the Gary house was NOT unique. There were actually quite a few houses out there that came pretty close to fitting most of the things that we wanted. After about a week of looking at what felt like a million houses, I found one that seemed like the perfect fit for our wish list. It had room for both of us to have an office, plus a guest room, and it had a fantastic shop. But what I really loved about it was the living space. It had a large living room that was open to the dining room and also open to a den that was added on to the original house. When I stood in the kitchen and looked out into those rooms, I began to envision life group, scrapbooking, and maybe even a space for my own version of the “basement boys”. The flicker of longing to begin a group was being fanned into a small but steady flame.
On one of those house searching days, I stopped by N’s office just to chat and got a phone call from our realtor while I was there. The price on the house I liked had been reduced by ten thousand dollars and she wondered if I wanted to show it to N. Of course I did, so we made an appointment to meet there. My second visit to the house was even better than the first. All I could think about was how great of a house it would be for entertaining and how perfect for starting “the group”. N loved the house too; the flame grew.
Unfortunately, we were not in a place to make an offer on this wonderful house. Our house wasn’t even on the market, and we sure couldn’t have two houses. So, after much discussion, we decided to get ours ready, put it on the market, and then make an offer.
In the mean time, we went back to our dream house for one more look. This time, when I walked in the house, I immediately told God that if He gave us this house or one like it, I would give it back to Him. I told Him I’d have ladies in, get in relationship, and really allow Him to work through those relationships to transform me.
We spent about ten days packing up all the excess in our current house and moving it out to storage. Then I cleaned, repaired, painted, and staged our house so that it was show ready. Our realtor was thrilled because we were willing to do most anything she suggested. Our thinking was that we wanted to do everything we could to get it sold, and if that meant living in Whoville for a while, we were willing.
From the first day it listed, we had lots of lookers. And I began to imagine what it would be like to have the house we wanted. In under a week, God sent a buyer, and we had a full price contract on our house to close in just weeks. We turned around and negotiated a contract on the dream house the next day. And though I was very excited, I couldn’t help but remember the promise I’d made to God and be just a little nervous about what I’d done.
But that didn’t stop me from beginning to actually imagine how each room would be used and arranged and salivating over the storage prospects.
And then our contract fell through; she backed out. And we were so disappointed. I asked God why? Didn’t He want me to do what I’d promised?
And this was His answer, “It’s not about the house”.
And I knew immediately that He was right. I didn’t need a new house to begin delving into life changing relationships. And though I hated to do it, I thanked Him for sending the perfect contract and then allowing it to fall through. Because before that I was so focused on the house that I had missed what He really wanted for me.
The following week I began meeting with a friend for the purpose of becoming a “basement boys” type of group. And we met in our old house. And the things that God revealed to both of us in just that first meeting were some of the most powerful lessons of God I’ve ever learned.
It really wasn’t about the house.
But that didn’t stop me from praying that God would send us a cash offer for our house that would allow us to still close on our old house on the originally scheduled date and close on the dream house the very next day.
And He did.
In just one day shy of four weeks, we got our house ready to sell, listed it, sold it, bought a new one, and moved.
Actually, what really happened is this…in one day shy of four weeks, God taught me an incredibly important lesson, blessed us beyond what we ever deserved, showed us His faithful love in an incredibly powerful and memorable way, and put me in a deep spiritual relationship with another woman that has already been life changing.
God is so good.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Appliance Survey
We are going to be buying new washer, dryer, and refrigerator this week. I'm curious if any of you have clear preferences on top loading vs. front loading? Also, what about side by side vs. freezer on top or bottom of the refrigerator? If any of you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it...even you secret readers who never leave comments.
Please continue to pray that all goes smoothly through closing. Saturday at midnight is the end of our buyer's option time. We close on our house Monday morning and the new house Tuesday morning. We seriously appreciate all of your prayers about it.
I have a whole new respect for people who have to move around frequently. It is exciting, but it is wearing me out. I'm ok if we never have to move again!
Please continue to pray that all goes smoothly through closing. Saturday at midnight is the end of our buyer's option time. We close on our house Monday morning and the new house Tuesday morning. We seriously appreciate all of your prayers about it.
I have a whole new respect for people who have to move around frequently. It is exciting, but it is wearing me out. I'm ok if we never have to move again!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Brief Update
We have a new contract on our house. It isn't quite as good as what we had hoped, but they are paying cash. That means that we will be able to close and move on the originally scheduled dates, August 18 and 19. Praise God! And keep praying that this contract sticks!
On another note, I just have to say again how much I love Southwest c of C. Every worship I leave feeling challenged, filled, and equipped to be a disciple the rest of the week. God has been so good to us.
On another note, I just have to say again how much I love Southwest c of C. Every worship I leave feeling challenged, filled, and equipped to be a disciple the rest of the week. God has been so good to us.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
D.C. al fine
And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight.
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend.
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I totally thought I was done with this song, because frankly, I'm not one of those people who usually longs for the Lord to return right now. I always think about the things I'd still like to do and experience. I tend to think that it is older folks who really sing with gusto on this verse.
But tonight, I got to experience something that made me long to hear that trumpet sound and see the Lord descend. Our church had a combined service with the other big church of Christ in town. The worship ministers from both places lead us in worship that was entirely singing and reading scripture. Or course, since it was a Sunday night, it was a smaller crowd from both churches, but large enough to fill the chapel. And, as usually happens, it was a group who wanted to sing.
And sing we did. It took my breath away. I have a friend who gives me a hard time(not in a bad way) about being a member of the church of Christ, and more specifically about singing a capella. I wish she could have been there. I think she would have been blown away by not only the beautiful singing but also the moving of the Spirit in that place. It felt like a little bit of heaven.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and I haven't really been looking forward to it. I had a difficult year last year, and I've been somewhat apprehensive about what this year might hold. I can't think of a better way to get in the right frame of mind to go back than by the drink of Oasis I got to experience tonight.
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend.
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I totally thought I was done with this song, because frankly, I'm not one of those people who usually longs for the Lord to return right now. I always think about the things I'd still like to do and experience. I tend to think that it is older folks who really sing with gusto on this verse.
But tonight, I got to experience something that made me long to hear that trumpet sound and see the Lord descend. Our church had a combined service with the other big church of Christ in town. The worship ministers from both places lead us in worship that was entirely singing and reading scripture. Or course, since it was a Sunday night, it was a smaller crowd from both churches, but large enough to fill the chapel. And, as usually happens, it was a group who wanted to sing.
And sing we did. It took my breath away. I have a friend who gives me a hard time(not in a bad way) about being a member of the church of Christ, and more specifically about singing a capella. I wish she could have been there. I think she would have been blown away by not only the beautiful singing but also the moving of the Spirit in that place. It felt like a little bit of heaven.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and I haven't really been looking forward to it. I had a difficult year last year, and I've been somewhat apprehensive about what this year might hold. I can't think of a better way to get in the right frame of mind to go back than by the drink of Oasis I got to experience tonight.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Same Song, Different Verse
When peace, like a river, attendath my way.
When sorrows, like sea billows, roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well. It is well, with my soul.
On our way to dinner, in honor of our eleventh wedding anniversary, we got a phone call from our realtor. She let us know that the woman with whom we had a contract on our house backed out. So, we are headed back to Whoville. The magic lines on the carpet should be in place before we leave for church tomorrow. Even so, it is still well, with my soul.
And in honor of our 11th anniversary, here are 11 things that I love about my beloved.
1. He makes me laugh every single day.
2. He gives me a great deal on computer repair. He fixes it; I give him...whatever. ;)
3. He helps me to remember that worry is a waste of energy.
4. He is very handy...oh, and he can fix stuff too.
5. He makes me laugh at myself.
6. He willingly completes my mom's honey-do list when we visit.
7. He always drives, even on long trips.
8. He taught me to shoot a gun and drive an ATV.
9. He doesn't get uncomfortable when I cry.
10. He LOVES to talk about his feelings.
11. He might call me a "Smoochmonger", but he gives me as many as I want anyway.
Friday, August 1, 2008
A Classic
I love all of the new praise and worship songs we sing. But we sang one of my "older" favorites this Wednesday and it's been on my mind every since.
My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought.
My sin, not in part, but the whole.
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, Oh my soul.
Knowing this truth, it is indeed well with my soul.
My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought.
My sin, not in part, but the whole.
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, Oh my soul.
Knowing this truth, it is indeed well with my soul.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wrestling Match
Ephesians 4:17-19 “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.”
I truly hated the sermon this Sunday morning. Brian talked to us about the agreements that we have made with Satan, lies that Satan has whispered to us that we have accepted, or as the scripture words it, ways that our understanding has been darkened that cause us to somehow be separated from the life of Christ. One of the examples he gave was about a son who broke his father’s trust. So, the father slowly came to accept the lie that he could never trust his son again and furthermore, could never really trust anyone. You can imagine how believing that lie might affect the rest of your life and keep you from the fullness of life in Christ.
That got me to thinking about the kids I work with who believe all sorts of lies like, “I’m stupid,” “No one likes me,” “I can’t do math,” or even “I’m a good friend.” But then I started thinking about the lies I sometimes believe that make it OK for me to sin. Things like “It’s not hurting anyone,” “It helps me to be a better wife/counselor/daughter/fill in the blank,” or even the ever popular “Everyone does it…even Christians”.
Can you see why I hated this sermon? For some reason, while I was listening on Sunday, God brought to mind a particular area in my life that is a struggle. I started to wonder if maybe I’d made some agreements that were darkening my understanding and causing me to lose all sensitivity. And of course, since I went and asked God to show me those agreements (what was I thinking?), he began to bring them to mind. And because I like this particular sin and am not eager to give it up, I began a bit of a wrestling match with the Lord. OK, a really big wrestling match. It was all I could think about; some of those agreements were so much a part of my normal thought process and justification process that it was really hard to get to truth…especially because part of me just really didn’t want to see it. I like the lie better. (I can be pretty stubborn sometimes.)
After much agonizing and analyzing and general stubbornness, I decided that God was probably right, and I was probably wrong…go figure. So, I talked to Him about it and worked it all out. For now. We may wrestle about it again sometime, but I’m hoping that the scars will be good enough reminders that I won’t go there again.
Unfortunately, He has been showing me some other areas of agreement that I need to work on. Probably the biggest lie of all is that because I don’t do the “big” sins…murder, stealing, etc….that I’m OK and have it all together. Talk about living in ignorance.
This whole being a disciple of Christ thing is painful sometimes, but I think I'd rather wrestle than be "separated from the life of God".
I truly hated the sermon this Sunday morning. Brian talked to us about the agreements that we have made with Satan, lies that Satan has whispered to us that we have accepted, or as the scripture words it, ways that our understanding has been darkened that cause us to somehow be separated from the life of Christ. One of the examples he gave was about a son who broke his father’s trust. So, the father slowly came to accept the lie that he could never trust his son again and furthermore, could never really trust anyone. You can imagine how believing that lie might affect the rest of your life and keep you from the fullness of life in Christ.
That got me to thinking about the kids I work with who believe all sorts of lies like, “I’m stupid,” “No one likes me,” “I can’t do math,” or even “I’m a good friend.” But then I started thinking about the lies I sometimes believe that make it OK for me to sin. Things like “It’s not hurting anyone,” “It helps me to be a better wife/counselor/daughter/fill in the blank,” or even the ever popular “Everyone does it…even Christians”.
Can you see why I hated this sermon? For some reason, while I was listening on Sunday, God brought to mind a particular area in my life that is a struggle. I started to wonder if maybe I’d made some agreements that were darkening my understanding and causing me to lose all sensitivity. And of course, since I went and asked God to show me those agreements (what was I thinking?), he began to bring them to mind. And because I like this particular sin and am not eager to give it up, I began a bit of a wrestling match with the Lord. OK, a really big wrestling match. It was all I could think about; some of those agreements were so much a part of my normal thought process and justification process that it was really hard to get to truth…especially because part of me just really didn’t want to see it. I like the lie better. (I can be pretty stubborn sometimes.)
After much agonizing and analyzing and general stubbornness, I decided that God was probably right, and I was probably wrong…go figure. So, I talked to Him about it and worked it all out. For now. We may wrestle about it again sometime, but I’m hoping that the scars will be good enough reminders that I won’t go there again.
Unfortunately, He has been showing me some other areas of agreement that I need to work on. Probably the biggest lie of all is that because I don’t do the “big” sins…murder, stealing, etc….that I’m OK and have it all together. Talk about living in ignorance.
This whole being a disciple of Christ thing is painful sometimes, but I think I'd rather wrestle than be "separated from the life of God".
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Contracts
Just a quick update to let you know that we got a great offer on our house on Monday. As of yesterday afternoon, our house is under contract, and we have a contract on the house we wish to buy. Very exciting.
Please pray that all goes well until closing.
Please pray that all goes well until closing.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Center Stage
Our house is officially ready to show and listed as of this morning. Our realtor, whom I love, is a big proponent of "staging" a house to sell. I figured that since we are paying her good money, or will be when the house sells, I'd follow her advice. The house looks great, but there are some interesting phenomena that happen in a staged house; it's kind of like living in Whoville.
In A Staged Home...
1. No trash is produced...that is why you never see any trash cans.
2. No noses run...that is why you don't see any Kleenex boxes.
3. Dishes are never dirty...
4. Laundry is always clean and put away...
5. People don't run around in their underwear...how could you, the blinds are always open.
6. It never smells of fried food or other smelly cooking...just check the outlets for plug ins.
7. Music is always playing softly in the background.
8. Kitchen cabinets are neat and orderly with the cans and spices organized and facing forward...not unlike Sleeping with the Enemy.
9. Throw pillows are always where they should be.
10. The bathroom is always clean.
I don't mind living in Whoville for a time, but I'm not sure I can keep this up too long. Pray that our house sells quickly!
In A Staged Home...
1. No trash is produced...that is why you never see any trash cans.
2. No noses run...that is why you don't see any Kleenex boxes.
3. Dishes are never dirty...
4. Laundry is always clean and put away...
5. People don't run around in their underwear...how could you, the blinds are always open.
6. It never smells of fried food or other smelly cooking...just check the outlets for plug ins.
7. Music is always playing softly in the background.
8. Kitchen cabinets are neat and orderly with the cans and spices organized and facing forward...not unlike Sleeping with the Enemy.
9. Throw pillows are always where they should be.
10. The bathroom is always clean.
I don't mind living in Whoville for a time, but I'm not sure I can keep this up too long. Pray that our house sells quickly!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Welcome to the Craziness
Okay, it's been forever. So I'll just list some of our recent adventures in no particular order.
1. Whirlwind trip to Houston for brother's graduation.
2. Three hour WalMart trip for groceries for the Shannons.
3. Week long trip to Click ranch with the Shannon's (my side of the family).
4. Shot two rattlesnakes...have the rattles to prove it.
5. Three hour WalMart trip for groceries for the Clicks.
6. Week long trip to Click ranch with the Clicks.
7. Baby therapy with Emma and Ella.
8. Lots of jumpiness as many things sound like the rattle of rattlesnakes.
9. Decided we need a bigger house.
10. Spent two days looking at houses.
11. Found dream home.
12. Decided we must sell ours first.
13. Decided to get it ready in just a week.
14. Taking lots of Advil for cleaning/packing soreness.
15. Overseeing ranch improvements in the midst of house craziness.
16. Booked flight and room for Portell wedding.
17. Read 15-20 books on ranch trips.
18. No reading now; must clean/pack.
19. Decided having the house staged is a good idea.
20. Moving all but essentials to storage unit.
21. Discovered that ice cream scoops were not considered essential. What?@!
22. Became World of Warcraft addict.
23. Having WoW withdrawals because of cleaning and packing.
24. Pursued several job possibilities/interviews.
25. Feeling God's protection and staying right where I am for now.
Well, there it is in a nutshell...kind of. I've been keeping up with the family posts, but not commenting. I know, that's evil. I'm also feeling great sympathy for Tyler and Kelly and their many moves. I'm hoping this is the last time for us forever! Would love to hear if any of the rest of you are going to the wedding. Well, I must go pack and clean some more.
1. Whirlwind trip to Houston for brother's graduation.
2. Three hour WalMart trip for groceries for the Shannons.
3. Week long trip to Click ranch with the Shannon's (my side of the family).
4. Shot two rattlesnakes...have the rattles to prove it.
5. Three hour WalMart trip for groceries for the Clicks.
6. Week long trip to Click ranch with the Clicks.
7. Baby therapy with Emma and Ella.
8. Lots of jumpiness as many things sound like the rattle of rattlesnakes.
9. Decided we need a bigger house.
10. Spent two days looking at houses.
11. Found dream home.
12. Decided we must sell ours first.
13. Decided to get it ready in just a week.
14. Taking lots of Advil for cleaning/packing soreness.
15. Overseeing ranch improvements in the midst of house craziness.
16. Booked flight and room for Portell wedding.
17. Read 15-20 books on ranch trips.
18. No reading now; must clean/pack.
19. Decided having the house staged is a good idea.
20. Moving all but essentials to storage unit.
21. Discovered that ice cream scoops were not considered essential. What?@!
22. Became World of Warcraft addict.
23. Having WoW withdrawals because of cleaning and packing.
24. Pursued several job possibilities/interviews.
25. Feeling God's protection and staying right where I am for now.
Well, there it is in a nutshell...kind of. I've been keeping up with the family posts, but not commenting. I know, that's evil. I'm also feeling great sympathy for Tyler and Kelly and their many moves. I'm hoping this is the last time for us forever! Would love to hear if any of the rest of you are going to the wedding. Well, I must go pack and clean some more.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Results Are In
I know it's been a long time, but life has been hectic and blogging just hasn't been top priority. Just to let you know though, we are well and happy, however busy.
I thought it important though to share with you the results of a 9 month research study. The bottom line is that Santa does NOT visit twice in a year regardless of leaving Christmas tree, stockings, and other holiday decor up around the house. I can tell you for sure, it just won't happen.
So, I concluded my study today and took everything down.
I thought it important though to share with you the results of a 9 month research study. The bottom line is that Santa does NOT visit twice in a year regardless of leaving Christmas tree, stockings, and other holiday decor up around the house. I can tell you for sure, it just won't happen.
So, I concluded my study today and took everything down.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Problem Solving
Last week out on break duty, a 6th grade girl came running up to me all out of breath to tell on herself. She said, "Mrs. Click, I just...I just pushed down (insert boy name)."
I said, "Okay," waiting to hear the rest of it.
Gasping for breath, she said, "Well, he was chasing me with a handful of rocks and said he was going to put them down my shirt."
I looked at her and the witnesses she had brought with her and said, "Well, it looks like you already took care of the problem."
The girls all smiled and went on their way.
Perhaps I should have talked to her about the inappropriateness of pushing students down, but I could barely keep from laughing. I thought her solution to the problem was perfect. She didn't squeal and run, thus causing the boy to give chase. She simply shoved him down. He left her alone.
And he never came to me and complained about being pushed down.
I figured it was problem solving at its best.
I said, "Okay," waiting to hear the rest of it.
Gasping for breath, she said, "Well, he was chasing me with a handful of rocks and said he was going to put them down my shirt."
I looked at her and the witnesses she had brought with her and said, "Well, it looks like you already took care of the problem."
The girls all smiled and went on their way.
Perhaps I should have talked to her about the inappropriateness of pushing students down, but I could barely keep from laughing. I thought her solution to the problem was perfect. She didn't squeal and run, thus causing the boy to give chase. She simply shoved him down. He left her alone.
And he never came to me and complained about being pushed down.
I figured it was problem solving at its best.
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Shadows
Over the last couple of weeks, our small group has been looking at 1 John. We've had several discussions about what it means to walk in the light. It has caused me to think a lot about the time I spend in the shadows. Not quite in the light. Not quite in darkness.
"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness...he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him."
The Shadows
In the Shadows
I feel safe.
I can see the Light,
But still, I’m hidden.
No one can see my shame.
The Light compels me though,
And for a time I bask in the Son.
I close my eyes and feel the warmth.
But sometimes I stumble.
and when I open my eyes and look around
I see that I’m in the edge of the Shadow again
and I didn’t even know it.
It feels comfortable.
And safe.
But Darkness lurks in the shadows.
Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me.
"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness...he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him."
The Shadows
In the Shadows
I feel safe.
I can see the Light,
But still, I’m hidden.
No one can see my shame.
The Light compels me though,
And for a time I bask in the Son.
I close my eyes and feel the warmth.
But sometimes I stumble.
and when I open my eyes and look around
I see that I’m in the edge of the Shadow again
and I didn’t even know it.
It feels comfortable.
And safe.
But Darkness lurks in the shadows.
Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Post Spring Break Update
Spring Break wasn't terribly exciting around here. N of course was working, so no big trips or anything scheduled. The first weekend of the break I headed out of town to a friend's ranch for a Scrapbooking Retreat. That was a total blast. I spent the whole weekend in a big room with six girls all around my age. We talked and laughed all weekend. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time; it was painful. I also completed 15 pages in my family album which is the most I've ever done at one time before.
The rest of the break I read a couple of books and crocheted. I volunteered to make a baby afghan for my sister-in-law's new baby coming in June. She always makes them for everyone else, and the grandmother who inspired her to learn to crochet died a couple of years ago. So, I knew she would really appreciate getting one. Come to find out, she's having twins. So I've been crocheting my heart out trying to get done. I'm thinking she'll probably have the girls early, so I've got to get them done. And of course I had already chosen a particularly lengthy pattern before I knew I'd be making two. Honestly though, it probably wouldn't have made any difference because it is such a cute blanket and goes so perfectly with their nursery that I'd have probably chosen it anyway. I'm hoping to finish the first one this weekend.
At first I was a little intimidated about having this project going in the middle of testing. As it turns out though, it is such a relaxing activity that I'm sort of happy to have a project to work on in the evenings.
That's pretty much it for spring break. Nothing major accomplished, but it sure was relaxing. And that was a very good thing.
And no, I have not taken the tree down yet. :)
The rest of the break I read a couple of books and crocheted. I volunteered to make a baby afghan for my sister-in-law's new baby coming in June. She always makes them for everyone else, and the grandmother who inspired her to learn to crochet died a couple of years ago. So, I knew she would really appreciate getting one. Come to find out, she's having twins. So I've been crocheting my heart out trying to get done. I'm thinking she'll probably have the girls early, so I've got to get them done. And of course I had already chosen a particularly lengthy pattern before I knew I'd be making two. Honestly though, it probably wouldn't have made any difference because it is such a cute blanket and goes so perfectly with their nursery that I'd have probably chosen it anyway. I'm hoping to finish the first one this weekend.
At first I was a little intimidated about having this project going in the middle of testing. As it turns out though, it is such a relaxing activity that I'm sort of happy to have a project to work on in the evenings.
That's pretty much it for spring break. Nothing major accomplished, but it sure was relaxing. And that was a very good thing.
And no, I have not taken the tree down yet. :)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Oh Christmas Tree
This year has been a crazy blur for me. Since Christmas, my husband and I have both been sick several times: flu, upper respiratory infection, allergies, sinus infection. You name it; we've had it. Add to that N starting a new job and me trying to get all the new wrinkles in testing ironed out, a weekend visit from a niece, Valentine's day, N's birthday, finding a life group, getting involved in new things at church...we've been busy.
In the midst of all the craziness, my Christmas decorations somehow got overlooked. I must confess that my tree is still up and the stockings are still hung with care. The lights on the tree are plugged into a switch that I turn on every day when I get home. People driving by in the evenings can still see the warm glow of our lights through the front window.
I was thinking about it this week because a friend stopped by and commented on the feel of Christmas in the air in our home. So I was looking at my tree, which is decorated with a cowboy theme, and decided that it isn't Christmasy at all. It's a Cowboy Tree. It's decorative. It's all part of the home decor master plan. It could stay up year round.
I figure if the husband and dog are happy and healthy, who cares about a little extra twinkling in the living room. It's mood lighting. And it may or may not come down over Spring Break.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Journeys
A little over two years ago, my husband and I began the painful process of looking for a new church. I say painful because it was hard to leave the one we belonged to because they are family. We love them and feel no ill will toward them, but we knew that for our own spiritual growth we needed to do something different. (BTW, I think it SHOULD be somewhat painful to leave a congregation. When you invest so much of yourself, you should expect some pain if you leave. I think it helps keep people from constantly being church hoppers…but I digress.)
We started visiting the local churches of Christ but didn’t really find a good fit. Eventually, we ended up visiting a church in another community that we had originally not intended to visit for that very reason; it was in another community. There were a lot of good things going on there, and we have family there, so we stepped easily into relationship with them. We ended up being there for 8 or 9 months. We were working in the sound room and attending regularly, but we hesitated to place membership because it just didn’t feel like home. We hated to leave family, but needed to see if we could find what was missing.
Eventually, we started looking again. By this time, we were really tired and frustrated. I don’t think that our expectation was to find a perfect church. We knew that didn’t exist. But what we were really craving was a church that had a clear vision of where they were going and friendly enough to let us in on the journey. I think that some of our friends thought we were being unreasonable or not trying hard enough to fit in, but the truth is, we knew what we were looking for and also knew we hadn’t found it yet. I began to wonder if we ever would.
So, we pulled out the phone book and started down the list. What an interesting and varied couple of months we had. Except for the congregations that have bilingual services, we visited every church of Christ on the list that we hadn’t already been to and a few that were in the non-denominational section. We met many nice people, most 30-50 years older than us, but sweet nonetheless. We met some ladies who still cover their heads in worship and who were quick to let me know that it was ok with them that I wore pants. They didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t, and I’m very sorry I made them feel that way. We found one unexpectedly young and friendly place, but they didn’t have any clear leadership which was important to us. We also discovered that there are about 8 small c of C’s in about a mile radius from our house. Who knew?
N and I grew up in church. Our parents were actively involved and so were we. When we married, we continued to be. So by this time we were feeling particularly forlorn. Homeless even. We decided to go back and revisit some of the larger congregations that we had previously discounted because of their size.
In November, we ended up visiting Southwest. The preaching blew us away. Brian is a great speaker, but what compelled me was not the eloquence of his sermons but the challenge of them. Every week, I left feeling revitalized. I began to long for the Word again, to be fed not just from the pulpit but outside the building. I wanted to be better, more like Christ.
And at some point, I began to realize that my desire to be more Christ-like was indeed their vision. Brian talked about it from the pulpit all the time – discipleship, getting into intimate community and relationship with one another in order to be more like Jesus.
In December, they had a special Holiday Happenings service on one Sunday evening. Brian talked about the Word being alive in our lives, and we sang the song The Word is Alive by Casting Crowns. Then he had the elders and their wives move to different stations in the auditorium that had signs such as - The Word is alive in my marriage. The Word is alive in my job. The Word is alive in my family.
Then, he challenged us to go to one of the various places and share with the elders (and wives) our needs, and they would pray for us. They played music quietly in the background and gave us about 20 minutes for this activity.
Well, this was definitely a new experience for us. But I was ready. We went to a station and talked with the couple for a few minutes, and then we huddled and prayed. By the end I was absolutely sobbing. We had to step out so I could pull myself together. In my memory, the only time any elders ever prayed for me or my family was when my dad was dying of cancer. I was really moved and began to think that something really special was going on here.
Since then we have continued to experience a leadership of elders and ministers who are all deeply and personally committed to the spiritual growth of every individual in the congregation. They are more than just a board of directors; they are shepherds. We finally placed membership a few weeks ago and really feel connected for the first time in a long time.
This whole process was extremely long and difficult, but God has been faithful. I believe that He has brought us to just the right place at just the right time. I know that this congregation is not without flaws, after all, it is made up of flawed human beings, just like us.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of our journey. We are really excited to see where this new journey will take us and what God has in store. God has already been working on us and showing us time and again how faithful He is. But that is a story (or two) for another time.
We started visiting the local churches of Christ but didn’t really find a good fit. Eventually, we ended up visiting a church in another community that we had originally not intended to visit for that very reason; it was in another community. There were a lot of good things going on there, and we have family there, so we stepped easily into relationship with them. We ended up being there for 8 or 9 months. We were working in the sound room and attending regularly, but we hesitated to place membership because it just didn’t feel like home. We hated to leave family, but needed to see if we could find what was missing.
Eventually, we started looking again. By this time, we were really tired and frustrated. I don’t think that our expectation was to find a perfect church. We knew that didn’t exist. But what we were really craving was a church that had a clear vision of where they were going and friendly enough to let us in on the journey. I think that some of our friends thought we were being unreasonable or not trying hard enough to fit in, but the truth is, we knew what we were looking for and also knew we hadn’t found it yet. I began to wonder if we ever would.
So, we pulled out the phone book and started down the list. What an interesting and varied couple of months we had. Except for the congregations that have bilingual services, we visited every church of Christ on the list that we hadn’t already been to and a few that were in the non-denominational section. We met many nice people, most 30-50 years older than us, but sweet nonetheless. We met some ladies who still cover their heads in worship and who were quick to let me know that it was ok with them that I wore pants. They didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t, and I’m very sorry I made them feel that way. We found one unexpectedly young and friendly place, but they didn’t have any clear leadership which was important to us. We also discovered that there are about 8 small c of C’s in about a mile radius from our house. Who knew?
N and I grew up in church. Our parents were actively involved and so were we. When we married, we continued to be. So by this time we were feeling particularly forlorn. Homeless even. We decided to go back and revisit some of the larger congregations that we had previously discounted because of their size.
In November, we ended up visiting Southwest. The preaching blew us away. Brian is a great speaker, but what compelled me was not the eloquence of his sermons but the challenge of them. Every week, I left feeling revitalized. I began to long for the Word again, to be fed not just from the pulpit but outside the building. I wanted to be better, more like Christ.
And at some point, I began to realize that my desire to be more Christ-like was indeed their vision. Brian talked about it from the pulpit all the time – discipleship, getting into intimate community and relationship with one another in order to be more like Jesus.
In December, they had a special Holiday Happenings service on one Sunday evening. Brian talked about the Word being alive in our lives, and we sang the song The Word is Alive by Casting Crowns. Then he had the elders and their wives move to different stations in the auditorium that had signs such as - The Word is alive in my marriage. The Word is alive in my job. The Word is alive in my family.
Then, he challenged us to go to one of the various places and share with the elders (and wives) our needs, and they would pray for us. They played music quietly in the background and gave us about 20 minutes for this activity.
Well, this was definitely a new experience for us. But I was ready. We went to a station and talked with the couple for a few minutes, and then we huddled and prayed. By the end I was absolutely sobbing. We had to step out so I could pull myself together. In my memory, the only time any elders ever prayed for me or my family was when my dad was dying of cancer. I was really moved and began to think that something really special was going on here.
Since then we have continued to experience a leadership of elders and ministers who are all deeply and personally committed to the spiritual growth of every individual in the congregation. They are more than just a board of directors; they are shepherds. We finally placed membership a few weeks ago and really feel connected for the first time in a long time.
This whole process was extremely long and difficult, but God has been faithful. I believe that He has brought us to just the right place at just the right time. I know that this congregation is not without flaws, after all, it is made up of flawed human beings, just like us.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of our journey. We are really excited to see where this new journey will take us and what God has in store. God has already been working on us and showing us time and again how faithful He is. But that is a story (or two) for another time.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Season Opener
First of all, it's good to be back on. Apparently, my computer caught the flu from me...or something like that. My husband, myself, and my computer have all been sick. Once N and I were back on our feet, he was able to take a look at my computer. Sleeping with a computer guy definitely has its advantages.
Anyway, today marks the opening of testing season for me. My first big training of the year was this morning. I'd been working to prepare for this training and our first testing session for weeks as there are a number of new policies. And of course, I had to come up with procedures for how we'd implement the policies along with some handy dandy checklists. I'm a little over the top OCD about my testing day procedures and making sure things go smoothly. I guess signing on the dotted line for an entire campus will do that to you. I'd kind of like to keep my licenses, certifications, and job.
I just have to share two really awesome things that happened though. First, every person who was supposed to be at training, nearly forty people, was present and on time. And by on time, I mean they had their folders in hand, they had their food (I provided breakfast), they had Route 44's of caffeine, they had signed in, and they were looking at me with these faces that said, "teach me." Seriously. I was blown away. That has never happened before in the history of my TAKS trainings. The gentle reminder notes from me and somewhat stronger worded reminders from my principal paid off.
So I was just about to start off by telling everyone to hold their questions until the end when I see a teacher waving at me. At first I thought it was just a friendly, "you'll do great" kind of wave. But when she didn't stop, I acknowledged her. She proceeded to tell me that her science team traditionally starts their collaboration time out with a prayer. And since we were technically training during collaboration, would it be OK if we started with a prayer.
Of course I said, "absolutely". So, she started us with a prayer that was beautifully worded especially asking a blessing for me, our kids, and for our campus to remember that there is more to life than testing. It was really precious. I had to take some deep breaths to keep from starting the training out in tears. I just can't tell you how awesome that was; it set just the right tone for the entire training.
And what a blessing to work in a place where prayer is acceptable and welcome. It was a nice reminder of how good I have it...in spite of it being testing season.
Anyway, today marks the opening of testing season for me. My first big training of the year was this morning. I'd been working to prepare for this training and our first testing session for weeks as there are a number of new policies. And of course, I had to come up with procedures for how we'd implement the policies along with some handy dandy checklists. I'm a little over the top OCD about my testing day procedures and making sure things go smoothly. I guess signing on the dotted line for an entire campus will do that to you. I'd kind of like to keep my licenses, certifications, and job.
I just have to share two really awesome things that happened though. First, every person who was supposed to be at training, nearly forty people, was present and on time. And by on time, I mean they had their folders in hand, they had their food (I provided breakfast), they had Route 44's of caffeine, they had signed in, and they were looking at me with these faces that said, "teach me." Seriously. I was blown away. That has never happened before in the history of my TAKS trainings. The gentle reminder notes from me and somewhat stronger worded reminders from my principal paid off.
So I was just about to start off by telling everyone to hold their questions until the end when I see a teacher waving at me. At first I thought it was just a friendly, "you'll do great" kind of wave. But when she didn't stop, I acknowledged her. She proceeded to tell me that her science team traditionally starts their collaboration time out with a prayer. And since we were technically training during collaboration, would it be OK if we started with a prayer.
Of course I said, "absolutely". So, she started us with a prayer that was beautifully worded especially asking a blessing for me, our kids, and for our campus to remember that there is more to life than testing. It was really precious. I had to take some deep breaths to keep from starting the training out in tears. I just can't tell you how awesome that was; it set just the right tone for the entire training.
And what a blessing to work in a place where prayer is acceptable and welcome. It was a nice reminder of how good I have it...in spite of it being testing season.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Tattletale
A few weeks ago, my principal made an announcement at school about an incident that had happened that morning on the bus. Apparently, a student opened the window on a bus and dropped a lead pipe out into traffic. The pipe hit a car and did several thousand dollars worth of damage. Our principal was appealing to our students to come forward and report any information that might be useful in tracking down the guilty parties.
I was sitting in the foyer of the counseling center when the announcement was made, and about five seconds after he finished speaking, a whole group of kids came flying around the corner in a race to the front office. I just had to laugh, because only in a school of fifth and sixth graders would a group storm to the principal to be first in line to tattle.
I thought about this incident last night at church while we were studying the 32nd Psalm. In the first five verses, David shows the juxtaposition of confessing sin versus not confessing sin.
1Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord"--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
I was sitting in the foyer of the counseling center when the announcement was made, and about five seconds after he finished speaking, a whole group of kids came flying around the corner in a race to the front office. I just had to laugh, because only in a school of fifth and sixth graders would a group storm to the principal to be first in line to tattle.
I thought about this incident last night at church while we were studying the 32nd Psalm. In the first five verses, David shows the juxtaposition of confessing sin versus not confessing sin.
1Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord"--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
I got to thinking that maybe I should be more childlike in my confession of sin. Instead of putting it off, ignoring it, or otherwise allowing sin to sap my strength, I should race to the Lord to tattle on myself just as soon as I hear His voice convicting me. He offers thirst-quenching forgiveness. What's not to like about that?
I think I'm going to try and be a better tattletale. I do, after all, have fantastic models of this daily. Perhaps each time one of them tattles to me, I will be prompted to offer up my own tales.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Give Me A Break
Everyday from 11:20 a.m. until 11:55 a.m. I have the pleasure of break duty. This duty requires me to go outside with about 75-100 ten, eleven, and twelve year olds and monitor their break time. Of course it's just another word for recess, but for some reason, my principal thought it would sound more grown up for an intermediate school to have "break" instead of "recess."
Most days, it is an enjoyable break for me too. I get to breathe some fresh air, see the sun, and interact with some pretty sweet kids in a very relaxed atmosphere. Additionally, as a counselor who often deals with their social skills issues, it's pretty insightful to me to see them in their natural habitat interacting with others. Sometimes, it's pure comic relief to see the creative things they will come up with to do, like play football with a tennis shoe or see how many people can fit in one coat.
Occasionally, like today, we have to stay inside for break because it is too cold, rainy, windy, etc. These are the days I dread.
Imagine two adults in one half of a gym (PE is still happening on the other side) with 75-100 kids. Some of the kids are playing knockout at three goals or sitting on the sidelines and visiting with friends...their two official options. Add to that pairs of chasers and chasees pinballing through the knockout lines and over their sideline friends.
And then picture huddles of girls pretending to be in line but actually planning their strategy to attract the huddles of boys across the way who are pushing and shoving each other in order to impress previously mentioned girls. It's like a show on the Discovery channel...Games Girls Play: Prepubescent Mating Rituals and The Exciting World of Flirtation and Budding Love.
And lets not forget the tattlers. They're like gnats that buzz around me in a cloud. As soon as one is swatted away, another is there to take his place.
I am a rule follower by nature. I like order and organization. I like to peruse the school supply and home organization aisles of WalMart to see what's new...
Inside break makes me downright twitchy. If I were sitting, I'd probably be up against the gym wall, rocking and banging my head.
So today, to while away the time (in between yelling in my bull horn to put out fires), I amused myself by coming up with all the things I'd rather do than Inside Break.
1. Do five loads of laundry - all white socks.
2. Reread the TAKS Testing Coordinator Manual.
3. Teach calculus for an entire day.
4. Explain to 10 moms how their child could be making all A's and B's and still fail the TAKS test.
5. Listen to 7 teachers complain about curriculum and the administration.
6. Clean the boys restrooms in the 6th grade hall. Eeeks
7. Attend 5 ARD meetings with chatty parents and teachers back to back.
8. Teach 10 kids how to give "I" messages...I feel_______when____. I would like_____.
9. Listen to 25 kids in resource reading do a timed reading.
10.Counsel 5 ten year old girls in my office at once....Now that is desperate.
Most days, it is an enjoyable break for me too. I get to breathe some fresh air, see the sun, and interact with some pretty sweet kids in a very relaxed atmosphere. Additionally, as a counselor who often deals with their social skills issues, it's pretty insightful to me to see them in their natural habitat interacting with others. Sometimes, it's pure comic relief to see the creative things they will come up with to do, like play football with a tennis shoe or see how many people can fit in one coat.
Occasionally, like today, we have to stay inside for break because it is too cold, rainy, windy, etc. These are the days I dread.
Imagine two adults in one half of a gym (PE is still happening on the other side) with 75-100 kids. Some of the kids are playing knockout at three goals or sitting on the sidelines and visiting with friends...their two official options. Add to that pairs of chasers and chasees pinballing through the knockout lines and over their sideline friends.
And then picture huddles of girls pretending to be in line but actually planning their strategy to attract the huddles of boys across the way who are pushing and shoving each other in order to impress previously mentioned girls. It's like a show on the Discovery channel...Games Girls Play: Prepubescent Mating Rituals and The Exciting World of Flirtation and Budding Love.
And lets not forget the tattlers. They're like gnats that buzz around me in a cloud. As soon as one is swatted away, another is there to take his place.
I am a rule follower by nature. I like order and organization. I like to peruse the school supply and home organization aisles of WalMart to see what's new...
Inside break makes me downright twitchy. If I were sitting, I'd probably be up against the gym wall, rocking and banging my head.
So today, to while away the time (in between yelling in my bull horn to put out fires), I amused myself by coming up with all the things I'd rather do than Inside Break.
1. Do five loads of laundry - all white socks.
2. Reread the TAKS Testing Coordinator Manual.
3. Teach calculus for an entire day.
4. Explain to 10 moms how their child could be making all A's and B's and still fail the TAKS test.
5. Listen to 7 teachers complain about curriculum and the administration.
6. Clean the boys restrooms in the 6th grade hall. Eeeks
7. Attend 5 ARD meetings with chatty parents and teachers back to back.
8. Teach 10 kids how to give "I" messages...I feel_______when____. I would like_____.
9. Listen to 25 kids in resource reading do a timed reading.
10.Counsel 5 ten year old girls in my office at once....Now that is desperate.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Superhero Dreams
If I were a superhero, my name would be Polly Positive. I wouldn't bother with a cape or utility belt, but I'd never be without my Enthusiasm Socks. I'd fly to the rescue of those in the pit of despair. I'd equip them with magic red socks of their own that would give them supernatural hopefulness. And together, we would stomp out the enemy.
Negativity
A soul siphoning succubus,
She infiltrates with stealth.
Camouflaged as humor,
realism, the Devil’s advocate -
She paralyzes the positive
like the proverbial frog in the pot.
She was conceived by fear,
nurtured by doubt,
and brought to life by Choice-
Her legacy is passed
in whispers, rolling eyes,
and martyred sighs.
Only Choice can destroy Her.
Negativity
A soul siphoning succubus,
She infiltrates with stealth.
Camouflaged as humor,
realism, the Devil’s advocate -
She paralyzes the positive
like the proverbial frog in the pot.
She was conceived by fear,
nurtured by doubt,
and brought to life by Choice-
Her legacy is passed
in whispers, rolling eyes,
and martyred sighs.
Only Choice can destroy Her.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Deliverance from the Lord of the Rings
On Sunday I heard a really convicting sermon on God’s Deliverance. The series is taken from Exodus, and the text for this week was Exodus 5-15, God’s deliverance of the Israelites, Moses, the plagues, etc. The application had to do with God’s ability to deliver us from whatever that might be enslaving us…sin, doubt, selfishness, pride, materialism, etc.
The whole sermon has really stuck with me, but the verses I find so powerful are Exodus 14:13-14. “Moses answered the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’”
So tonight, my husband and I were watching the last installment in our Tolkien-athon, and I slipped into my “former English teacher analyzing the movie” mode. I was thinking about how Sam is the true hero and also more of the Christ figure in some ways than Frodo. And that lead me to thoughts about Frodo representing man and the burden of sin (the ring) that we carry around. The longer we hold onto it, the more it weighs us down and captures our mind, etc.
When Frodo finally reaches the volcano in Mordor where he has journeyed so long to leave the ring, he can’t seem to let go. Again, I thought about sin and how difficult it can be to let go. It’s like we fall in love with it just a little bit, and it becomes our Precious. Even though it is dragging us down, wearing us out, and ultimately leading us to a fiery death, we hold on.
And again, I think about what Moses said to the Israelites, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm…The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” We need only to be still and let it go, “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.”
I’m going to try to do this a little more and see if I can avoid having a finger gnawed off.
The whole sermon has really stuck with me, but the verses I find so powerful are Exodus 14:13-14. “Moses answered the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’”
So tonight, my husband and I were watching the last installment in our Tolkien-athon, and I slipped into my “former English teacher analyzing the movie” mode. I was thinking about how Sam is the true hero and also more of the Christ figure in some ways than Frodo. And that lead me to thoughts about Frodo representing man and the burden of sin (the ring) that we carry around. The longer we hold onto it, the more it weighs us down and captures our mind, etc.
When Frodo finally reaches the volcano in Mordor where he has journeyed so long to leave the ring, he can’t seem to let go. Again, I thought about sin and how difficult it can be to let go. It’s like we fall in love with it just a little bit, and it becomes our Precious. Even though it is dragging us down, wearing us out, and ultimately leading us to a fiery death, we hold on.
And again, I think about what Moses said to the Israelites, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm…The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” We need only to be still and let it go, “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.”
I’m going to try to do this a little more and see if I can avoid having a finger gnawed off.
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