Moments of Clarity

The past four weeks have been a blur.  Family and friends from all over the country came into town.  I got married.  I went on a seven day cruise out of the country and experienced things I've never even imagined.  I came back to town and began to settle my things in my new home, at least enough to get dressed and ready for church or work.  And I became a full time step mom.

Being a step mom is no small thing.  In fact, it's maybe one of the biggest things that has ever happened in my life.  And I hit it head on with Isabelle all to myself while her daddy was at work.  All while trying to do that whole "settling in" thing.  It had seemed like such a good idea to schedule it that way six weeks earlier...

The reality looked me straight in the face our first morning alone when she knocked on the door and came in and got in bed with me.  She was so happy to see me.  And I was scared to death.  What in the world am I supposed to do with this nine year old mussed up slip of a girl staring at me with grand expectation in her eyes?  But we managed.

And then we had this crazy idea to take a family vacation.  But not just any vacation, a Matt style vacation. What is Matt style?  Matt style means packing in as much fun as possible into every second of the day.  It means doing 57 things in the time and space for 33.

Two days of Fiesta Texas.  One day of Sea World.  One day of River Walk and Fire Department Museum. 262 miles of walking in 119 degree weather.  22 roller coasters going miles above the earth at 153 miles per hour.  And the biggest mass of tattooed and pierced humanity I've seen at one time in my whole life.  Ok, some of that is an exaggeration, but that's pretty much what the week felt like.

And it was a grand opportunity for the Milams to see each other at their very best and worst.  The highs of conquering the Iron Rattler and the lows of ride closing, lightening heart break.  The glory of Shamu and the agony of driving in circles looking for the amazing food network reviewed restaurant just to end up at Red Robin.  Arriving at opening, leaving at closing, and utter exhaustion in the baking, sweaty heat.

It was an opportunity to learn lessons about not getting everything we want.  But it was also learning gratitude for the amazing things we do get.  Lessons about doing things that everyone enjoys even if it means we walk through some of the rides.  And that crucial go to the restroom while you have a chance lesson.

It's been fun.  And it's been exhausting.  And I must admit that this new step mom has been completely overwhelmed, annoyed, terrified, and overjoyed to the point of tears on multiple occasions.

But tonight, I got a little reminder of why it's all worth while.  After she'd returned to her mom and I finished preparations for my first day back at work, Matt showed me this treasure she'd left.

Someone is paying attention to the lessons. She is struggling to figure it all out the same as me.  But sometimes when I'm trying to make sure I do it all right and when I'm most feeling like I may not be quite good enough, she reminds me of what is most important.