Boundaries

Out riding the fence

Looking for weakness

Where the wire is getting stretched

I’m looking for breaks

Where intruders invade

Where new trails get slowly etched

Repairing each strand

Standing my ground

Protecting the herd from attack

Laying new wire

Stretching and tying

While also watching our back

Out riding the fence

Looking for weakness

Cow gets tangled and stuck

Approach with caution

Watching her hooves

There may be reason to duck

One section repaired

Another one waits

Along the never ending trail

Out riding the fence

Our hedge of protection

Praying boundaries don’t fail.

I’ve spent hours and hours over the years contemplating the idea of boundaries.  Healthy ones are critical to healthy relationships.  In my job as a counselor, I am constantly reminded of the problems that can develop when boundaries are neglected and  ignored.

In a blended family, I feel the urgency for boundaries more than ever.  Between parents and kids.  Step parents and step kids.  Between ex-spouses.  There are so many levels of boundaries that have to be carefully built and maintained. 

I’ve come to think of them like fence on a ranch.  The outer fences often have another row of wire the inner ones do not.  And there are carefully planned gates at various places for appropriate movement between sections as well as crossings in and out of the property. 

Boundaries in relationships are a lot like that.  The blended family fencing is a fairly complex system that takes time to learn to navigate.  Occasionally, I find myself getting cut by the wire or trampled when there has been a break.  The building and repairing is often a painful process, but the maintenance is essential to the emotional safety of everyone living on the ranch. 

Last night, both Matt and I had to work on various stretches in the wire.  It was painful and tiring work.  I’m so thankful though for a partner who is willing to ride the fence with me, sharing the miles of upkeep and rescuing me when I get tangled.