Biggest Loser

Mom bought Ipad

Won that round.

With trampoline

Dad gains ground.

Easy Bake

Brought a grin,

But homemade cookies

For the win.

Mom’s attention

To herself.

Daddy’s shared

With someone else.

Tooth fairy mom

Gives a ten.

Tooth fairy dad

Ones again.

Vacation time

Which is best?

Local trips

Or Disney fest?

Edging closer

Mom bought phone.

Daddy’s lead

Swiftly blown.

Always tracking

Keeping score.

Stressing presents

Who spent more?

Feels like love’s

A competition.

Isn’t that

A contradiction?

Constant stressing

About the plan.

Good enough?

Or lesser than?

Throw in towel

I give up.

I can’t compete

To win your love.

Even when we

Aren’t the loser

Always fear that

She will choose her.

You can say all you want to that it’s not a competition, but until you’ve been on this field, you cannot fully comprehend the pull of the game.  When children are involved, divorce is the ultimate game of tug of war.  No matter how hard you try, or how many times you give it over to God, there is a constant inner struggle for the desire of your child’s loyalty and favor.  When you only get to see your precious one Thursday nights and every other weekend, you long to be the winner on occasion.

With Halloween, we have officially entered the competition season.  It is closely followed by birthday and Christmas in our home, and nothing brings out the desire to win your child’s affection quite like those holidays.

It isn’t always a conscious battle.  Sometimes it sneaks up on you in subtle ways as your child begins listing her birthday and Christmas wishes.  You begin to think about the budget and the gifts and the all important question of the mother’s gift plans.  And that is a rabbit hole that will cause you madness beyond any un-birthday tea party.

It is the beginning of wondering if your gift is good enough.  If your love is good enough.  If you are good enough.

This past weekend of birthday, we chose to purchase within the budget and within what we considered reasonable and appropriate for our family.  We provided a great birthday weekend and celebration.  But we knew that we had not purchased the most desired gift.

After hearing about the mom’s birthday gift tonight, we knew our girl had gotten the really big thing.  I asked Matt how he felt about that.  He said, “It’s just the way it is.  We do something while mom waits and does something bigger.”

That made me sad.  Until he went on to say this, “But what we are giving her is what she needs most.  And I’m comfortable with that.”

He wasn’t referring to our birthday gift but to our family.  And he is right.  If we ever are going to “win,” I want it to be a win of heart.  Of family.  Of boundaries.  Of stability and consistency.  Of a Christ centered home.  Of unconditional love.