Wrestling Match

Ephesians 4:17-19 “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.”

I truly hated the sermon this Sunday morning. Brian talked to us about the agreements that we have made with Satan, lies that Satan has whispered to us that we have accepted, or as the scripture words it, ways that our understanding has been darkened that cause us to somehow be separated from the life of Christ. One of the examples he gave was about a son who broke his father’s trust. So, the father slowly came to accept the lie that he could never trust his son again and furthermore, could never really trust anyone. You can imagine how believing that lie might affect the rest of your life and keep you from the fullness of life in Christ.

That got me to thinking about the kids I work with who believe all sorts of lies like, “I’m stupid,” “No one likes me,” “I can’t do math,” or even “I’m a good friend.” But then I started thinking about the lies I sometimes believe that make it OK for me to sin. Things like “It’s not hurting anyone,” “It helps me to be a better wife/counselor/daughter/fill in the blank,” or even the ever popular “Everyone does it…even Christians”.

Can you see why I hated this sermon? For some reason, while I was listening on Sunday, God brought to mind a particular area in my life that is a struggle. I started to wonder if maybe I’d made some agreements that were darkening my understanding and causing me to lose all sensitivity. And of course, since I went and asked God to show me those agreements (what was I thinking?), he began to bring them to mind. And because I like this particular sin and am not eager to give it up, I began a bit of a wrestling match with the Lord. OK, a really big wrestling match. It was all I could think about; some of those agreements were so much a part of my normal thought process and justification process that it was really hard to get to truth…especially because part of me just really didn’t want to see it. I like the lie better. (I can be pretty stubborn sometimes.)

After much agonizing and analyzing and general stubbornness, I decided that God was probably right, and I was probably wrong…go figure. So, I talked to Him about it and worked it all out. For now. We may wrestle about it again sometime, but I’m hoping that the scars will be good enough reminders that I won’t go there again.

Unfortunately, He has been showing me some other areas of agreement that I need to work on. Probably the biggest lie of all is that because I don’t do the “big” sins…murder, stealing, etc….that I’m OK and have it all together. Talk about living in ignorance.

This whole being a disciple of Christ thing is painful sometimes, but I think I'd rather wrestle than be "separated from the life of God".