Lost and Found

Before you get worried about my current state of mind, know that the following was inspired by multiple things over the course of a couple of years.  While I do believe the words, feel the words, the completed piece is the strained and concentrated feelings, as my poems usually are.  Besides reflecting on my own life, part of this is from reflection on a blog post a friend of mine wrote months ago, one that I've gone back and reread multiple times.  Then today at work, I had an interesting conversation with a student that inspired me further.

Lost and Found

I want to be sighted in the crosshairs of somebody’s scope

I want to be scented by a well-trained hound

I want to be tracked in the rain, foot prints washed away

I want to be hunted until I am found.

I want to be chased until breathless with aching sides

I want to be pursued to the ends of the earth

I want to be sought like a treasure, a precious gem

I want to be appraised with the highest worth

I want to be appreciated, wafted, swirled in a glass

I want to be held up, inspected in the light

I want to be savored, sipped, not gulped or sloshed

I want to be valued with highest price

I want to be noticed, acknowledged, never ignored

I want to be prioritized, top of the list

I want to be searched for if lost, away from the path

If I’m missing I want to be missed.

Reciprocal

Sometimes it fills me to listen
Sometimes it empties my tank

Sometimes cheering is energizing
Sometimes it just feels like a drain

Sometimes initiating is exciting
Sometimes invisible seems best

Sometimes silence is comfort
Sometimes it feels like a test

Sometimes the work seems worth it
Sometimes it feels like a waste

Sometimes each word choice matters
Sometimes it just tumbles in haste

Sometimes being the talker is easy
Sometimes it’s a lot of hurt

Sometimes being quiet is better
Sometimes it makes others work

The Most Sacred Gift

I believe, and have believed for some time, that the greatest gift a person can give you is a piece of himself.  When someone shares part of his story with you, you have been given the gift of trust.  That you can be trusted to hold that little piece of him with respect, and without judgment, is an amazing honor. 

Because of this belief, I am constantly amazed at the way people talk to me.  The ladies at my manicure shop talk to me.  One of them talks to me about the challenges of being a working mom.  She pours her heart out to me.  She hardly knows me!

Where I used to work, random teachers would drop in and plop down and tell me all about their husbands and kids and in-laws and all of their troubles.  Occasionally, someone would lurk at the door and I could tell she needed to talk.  So I’d invite her in and before you know it, she had talked and cried and laughed all in the space of a conference period.

I occasionally play an online game with people who are total strangers.  Sometimes a conversation will begin and within an hour I’ve heard some random stranger’s life story along with his deepest, darkest secrets.  It’s nuts!

I know I’m a counselor so I’ve been trained to listen, but I don’t really think that’s why people talk to me.  I’m not really anything special as counselors go.   I think people just desperately want someone to listen.  They need to be heard.

I think people want to give this gift of sharing far more than they actually give it.  It’s so hard sometimes to find someone you feel comfortable enough with to extend that sacred trust to.  I think maybe it’s even harder to find someone who is willing to receive it. 

And that astonishes me.  Because there is no greater gift.

I was reminded of all of this today with one of my students.  I sent for her because one of her teacher’s had expressed some concerns.  I’d visited with her once before.  She has a therapist who is most likely far more qualified than I am.  I asked the young lady how she was doing and she gave me the typical, “fine.”  Her words and her eyes didn’t match, which I told her.  I asked if she was sure she was ok.  “Yeah”.  I told her I wouldn’t force her to talk to me but that I thought she was a big fat liar.  She smiled.

A few minutes later she started talking.  I listened.  She shared.  It was so good.  Lots of opportunities to praise good things and sympathize with hard things.  Really good stuff. 

Then I found out she was a writer.  I suspected as much because she had a very pretty notebook that looked suspiciously like a journal.  I have a similar one.  We had a long conversation about writing and sharing and poetry and music.  I have a quote from P!nk on my credenza that she recognized.  A line from a song, “Change the voices in your head.  Make them like you instead.”  We talked about it.  It was a counselor’s dream really.

Then she did something unbelievable.  She asked me if I wanted to read one of her poems.  I was so excited.  What an honor!  Talk about a precious gift.  Of course, I accepted.  She ended up allowing me to read several.  She has talent.  I ended up keeping her far too long.  It was just such an incredible experience.  She talked AND shared her writing!

So why am I telling you all of this?

Lately, I am constantly amazed at people’s need to be acknowledged.  One of the easiest…and hardest…ways to do that is to listen.  Stop and listen to the people who are talking to you.

Your kids.  Your friends.  Your spouses.  Your coworkers. 

They want to give you a most sacred gift.  Don’t miss it.

You Matter

I was blessed to receive tons of birthday wishes today.  From people I’m close to and people who are more acquaintance than friend.  But it mattered.

Four or five years ago, I had a 5^th grade boy in my office.  My phone rang, and I ignored it.  He wanted to know why I wasn’t answering.  I told him he was more important than that phone call.  He was stunned.  It mattered.

A friend of mine who lives far away, “pokes” me on Facebook every time she is on.  It matters to me.

One of the other counselors at my school has this goofy student who comes by several times a day just to say hello.  She always acknowledges him, even if it is just a smile or wave.  It matters.

There are countless ways that I am affirmed on a daily basis of the importance of my existence.  Today’s unusual abundance of those acknowledgments has had me thinking about it.  I am so incredibly blessed to have so many family members and friends who care about me.  And that matters.

I am frequently stunned at the number of people who go through life not knowing whether their existence even matters.  Kids.  Spouses.  Employees.  Employers.  Parents.  Neglected and wondering if their absence would even register to those they interact with on a daily basis. 

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life, both in counseling and in my personal life, is of people’s basic need to matter.  To be noticed.  Acknowledged.  Valued.

And providing that kind of feedback can be so incredibly simple.  A smile.  A hug.  A nod.  A pat.  A nudge.  A “hello”.  A wink.  A wave.  An ignored call or text.  A pause to listen.  All so incredibly simple.  But so very important. 

There are so many people in my life who can easily go unnoticed.  People who provide me services and luxuries.  People who just happen to cross my path.  The manicure ladies.  My hair stylist.  The guy who bags my groceries.  The oil change people.  My secretaries.  The receptionist.  The custodians.  The apartment maintenance people.  Students in the hall I don’t even know. 

Today, more than usual, I know I matter to others.  And I’m reminded of how very simple it is to return that favor.  Not everyone has the kind of friends and family I do.