The Most Sacred Gift

I believe, and have believed for some time, that the greatest gift a person can give you is a piece of himself.  When someone shares part of his story with you, you have been given the gift of trust.  That you can be trusted to hold that little piece of him with respect, and without judgment, is an amazing honor. 

Because of this belief, I am constantly amazed at the way people talk to me.  The ladies at my manicure shop talk to me.  One of them talks to me about the challenges of being a working mom.  She pours her heart out to me.  She hardly knows me!

Where I used to work, random teachers would drop in and plop down and tell me all about their husbands and kids and in-laws and all of their troubles.  Occasionally, someone would lurk at the door and I could tell she needed to talk.  So I’d invite her in and before you know it, she had talked and cried and laughed all in the space of a conference period.

I occasionally play an online game with people who are total strangers.  Sometimes a conversation will begin and within an hour I’ve heard some random stranger’s life story along with his deepest, darkest secrets.  It’s nuts!

I know I’m a counselor so I’ve been trained to listen, but I don’t really think that’s why people talk to me.  I’m not really anything special as counselors go.   I think people just desperately want someone to listen.  They need to be heard.

I think people want to give this gift of sharing far more than they actually give it.  It’s so hard sometimes to find someone you feel comfortable enough with to extend that sacred trust to.  I think maybe it’s even harder to find someone who is willing to receive it. 

And that astonishes me.  Because there is no greater gift.

I was reminded of all of this today with one of my students.  I sent for her because one of her teacher’s had expressed some concerns.  I’d visited with her once before.  She has a therapist who is most likely far more qualified than I am.  I asked the young lady how she was doing and she gave me the typical, “fine.”  Her words and her eyes didn’t match, which I told her.  I asked if she was sure she was ok.  “Yeah”.  I told her I wouldn’t force her to talk to me but that I thought she was a big fat liar.  She smiled.

A few minutes later she started talking.  I listened.  She shared.  It was so good.  Lots of opportunities to praise good things and sympathize with hard things.  Really good stuff. 

Then I found out she was a writer.  I suspected as much because she had a very pretty notebook that looked suspiciously like a journal.  I have a similar one.  We had a long conversation about writing and sharing and poetry and music.  I have a quote from P!nk on my credenza that she recognized.  A line from a song, “Change the voices in your head.  Make them like you instead.”  We talked about it.  It was a counselor’s dream really.

Then she did something unbelievable.  She asked me if I wanted to read one of her poems.  I was so excited.  What an honor!  Talk about a precious gift.  Of course, I accepted.  She ended up allowing me to read several.  She has talent.  I ended up keeping her far too long.  It was just such an incredible experience.  She talked AND shared her writing!

So why am I telling you all of this?

Lately, I am constantly amazed at people’s need to be acknowledged.  One of the easiest…and hardest…ways to do that is to listen.  Stop and listen to the people who are talking to you.

Your kids.  Your friends.  Your spouses.  Your coworkers. 

They want to give you a most sacred gift.  Don’t miss it.