New Joy

It wasn’t long in to the “single again” status that I realized I had to do something to get out of myself and find new purpose in life.  I spent a good chunk of time in the beginning pondering and analyzing my life and past, decisions and choices.  It was time spent working on me.  It was healing and growing, changing and refining.  It was really hard work.  It is not a completed work, but I’m in a different place in the process. 

Lately though, I’ve been finding new joy in helping others.  I’ve known for years that serving is part of where I get re-fueled; it’s probably one of the reasons I became a counselor.  But though being a counselor does provide fuel, it is also very draining.  There have to be other sources of fueling.

I’ve mentioned my “nail place” before, but as time goes on, I’ve become more and more involved at this little business.  I’ve come to think of those girls as my Vietnamese “family”.  The longer I go there, the more I learn about the family connections between some of the girls and the stories of their lives.

This past Monday afternoon, I’d made arrangements for my nieces and sister in laws to get their nails done at my place.  They gave me a deal, partially because of our relationship but partially because it’s just a slow time of year.  When I got there, one of the girls came and sat down next to me.  I’ve seen her many times, but she is one of the only girls that I hadn’t had much contact with.  My impression was that her English wasn’t very good.

Apparently, she and a couple of the other girls had been talking, and they told her about me helping them with their English.  She wanted help too.  She was so nervous about talking to me and asking for help.  I was really excited because I had seen her struggling on several occasions, and I really wanted to help her.  So we made a plan to begin today.

We met at Starbucks and started by just having a conversation.  The biggest thing the girls need is practice with someone who won’t make them feel stupid.  She was very embarrassed and apologetic about her grammar and not having a “good voice”.  This just stuns me.  I think that, given the circumstances they are in, these girls do very well.  English is a very inconsistent and difficult language. 

After some coaxing, she began to talk.  I learned that she had come to the states when she was in junior high.  She lives with her mom, dad, and two younger sisters.  When she got here, she worked to help support the family so that her two little sisters could go to school.  She didn’t get to go to school because her family needed her help financially.    She worked in a restaurant with her family for several years then went to school to get licensed to do nails.  She now works part time at the nail place and is finally getting to go to school.  She is 29 years old. 

I think she was completely stunned that I was willing to work with her.  She doesn’t understand that it is fun for me.  Today, we talked quite a bit and then read a children’s book together.  We traded off reading pages, stopping to go over difficult vocabulary.  She got teary several times because she was overwhelmed that I was helping her.  The funny thing is, I was having a great time.  I loved helping her.  We got some funny looks in Starbucks, but I didn’t really care.

Toward the end, we were going over some grammar and she made up a sentence for me in which she spoke of going to church tonight to sing.  I poked that a bit to find out a little about her background.  She told me that, “[she ] loves God because he has helped [her] so much”.  I told her that I thought He probably sent me to her.  She readily agreed and got teary again.

But the truth is, He probably sent her to me too.  I don’t really know if it was in His grand plan for us to meet up.  But getting to help her and the other girls has given me a new joy.  It’s the joy that comes from becoming a part of a new community.  It’s the joy that comes from getting to help others.  It’s the joy that comes from doing something you enjoy anyway.  It’s the joy that comes from knowing you are making a difference to someone else.

While I think that getting outside of myself in this way is especially good for a newly single person like me, I actually think it is good for everyone.  I think it’s good for us to step outside of ourselves and see the needs around us.  Needs that we can meet doing something we enjoy anyway.

Now I’m going to go try the eggroll and other assorted treats she brought that her mom made just for me.  What an honor.