Feel What You Feel

That may well be the best advice I’ve ever received. And the very wise friend who told me this continues to say it to me to this day. Why? Because I suck at it. I so much want to please others that I often start a conversation with apologies. I start giving all the disclaimers about my feelings before I even tell you what I want to say because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. (The previous blog is case in point.)

But I’m trying harder these days to feel what I feel. If I’m angry, I want to hug it tight for a time and see just what it feels like. And maybe listen to a little Pink or Seether or Tool. (Yes, it’s true. I know who they are, and I occasionally listen to them.)

Now I don’t want to hug that anger too tightly and too long because it will just morph into bitterness which is so sticky and tar-like it’s hard to clean off. But for a little bit, I need to feel it. Because if I don’t let myself feel it, then I fool myself into thinking that I never felt it in the first place. And then I’m believing a big fat lie.

I got pretty angry with God a while back. I held on to it for a good solid couple of months. I’d talk to my mom about it and flat out tell her I was angry with Him. I know it bothered her, but she didn’t fuss me about it. I think she knew I needed to squeeze it tight for a time.

I gave Him the silent treatment. Didn’t talk to Him. Quit listening to Christian radio. Very mature. I showed Him.

I’m happy to say we are on speaking terms again, but our relationship has forever been altered. I question Him a LOT more. I fuss at Him regularly. I complain. I argue. And occasionally, I still give Him the silent treatment. Fortunately, I think He can handle it. I actually think He prefers the more honest me even if it is occasionally like dealing with a petulant 5 year old. But I digress.

My point is, I think feeling what you feel is a good idea. It reminds me of a wine tasting. I’ve not ever met a wine I like personally, but I’ve watched some of those tasting shows on tv. They always swirl it around in their fancy glasses and really breathe in the aroma. Then they take a taste and swish it around in their mouths soaking up all the flavor…before spitting it out.

I think that’s a pretty good thing to do with emotions. You don’t have to get drunk on them, good or bad. But I think you should really experience their flavor.