Disclaimer

Life is change. Over the past year, my life has changed dramatically, painfully, metamorphically. I’ve processed it with a few close friends and family, but I’ve also done a lot of writing. Those in my very inner circle have been my only audience, whether they liked it or not. But I’ve missed blogging.

I considered abandoning this one and starting over. But the more I’ve thought about it, the less that makes sense to me. One never truly has the luxury of starting over. There is no Mr. Clean Magic Eraser for real life. The events of our lives, and the way that we face them, make us who we are. Life is the crucible in which we are shaped, and hopefully, refined.

So, to abandon my original blog, seems to me, an attempt to Mr. Clean my past. I don’t wish to do that. Every experience of my life has contributed to who I am. I am not one to live in regret. I’ve made choices that make me beam with pride, and others that make me sad. But they were my choices. And I am at peace with them.

Just as I cannot alter the past, I also cannot deny the way the ripples of my life affect the waves of others. My nature is far too social for that. That said, I approach this blog fairly tentatively. Writing is an emotional outlet for me. Typically, I process things in my head and then with a trusted friend or two before condensing my thoughts into something written. That sometimes makes it all look neat and tidy, which is misleading. The writing is often the end result of a lot of hard emotional work. On the other hand, sometimes what I write is a sudden, gut wrenching spewing of emotional vomit. Not pretty.

Either way, it is a representation of my thoughts and feelings. No one else’s. It’s a glimpse into my head, my heart. No one else’s. It is the testimony of my life and thoughts from my view. No one else’s. I am fully aware that my view is not always shared by everyone else around me. It can’t be. Because my view of things is filtered through the lens of my past.

So there is this tight rope I walk with this blog. It is my desire to share of myself, my heart, honestly, without sugar coating. But, it is NOT my desire to cause pain to others. I don’t want my emotional vomit to upset someone else’s stomach.

If you are reading this, it is because you chose to. Just know that you will most likely be exposed to vomit, the stinky, chunky, projectile kind.